Category: Latest post

This month is surely flying by. Easter totally snuck up on me this time. I was recently asked to give a lesson at our Celebrate Recover, little did I know that the lesson was for me as well. Isn’t that the way it goes though? We had covered lessons on admit and ready, and I felt that before we went into the next lesson, which is on victory, we needed to concentrate on something vital to move into victory.

We all have traumas and damage in our past, that’s how we ended up in recovery. I know that all our experiences are different, but we all have a few things in common. Such as if we don’t go back and heal our past traumas, we will end up bleeding them on someone else. I say this because it’s so easy to fall back into patterns that lead us into other areas that easily put us back into our addictions. We are all one decision away from a relapse. It’s the nature of the beast to fall back into what we are comfortable with even if it’s the worst possible thing or idea for us. My example in this is that on my birthday after my divorce which was about seven months give or take after the divorce.  My ex knocked on my door saying he had mail for me and claiming he was sorry for everything he had done. Well, if I had not been healing, educating myself on these behaviors, and staying in God’s word I most likely would have believed those lies he was selling. See it’s our job to put in the work it takes to peel back every layer of hurt with God’s love and mercies, educate ourselves, love who we find underneath those layers, believe what God says about us, and allow God to lead us down that healing journey. I am all about this I know you guys see the TikToks I make and put on all the social media platforms, much less here. It’s so important on all levels of your life to commit to truly healing and laying down those bags of hurts you’ve been carrying. 

Another reason to heal properly is that whoever is in your future gets the best of YOU.  Without healing and dealing with the damage your relationship can’t grow and mature because there will be some serious issues, I can promise you. Or because you haven’t dealt with what you needed to you end up in another bad relationship because let’s face it, we continue to fall for those questionable people because we don’t love ourselves enough to have strong boundaries.

Another great reason is that it is inevitable that we will have triggers and if we aren’t careful, we will fall into the old habits which may lead to relapse. We not only need to voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in our lives it’s crucial to also voluntarily submit to God to know and believe what He says about our inner selves. His love, His purpose for our lives, hurts, pain, and all the unspoken broken parts of us. Folks His love moves mountains and conquers all for the good of us.

Do you believe what God says about you? Do you doubt the goodness and promises of His Word?

If we know who we are in Christ then we should love ourselves enough to heal our deepest wounds, hurts, and habits so our future is filled with all the goodness He has to offer.

• John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
• Romans 8:37-39 – No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
• 1 John 3:1 – See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

He wants the very best for us because He loves us sooo much. He loves us when we don’t love ourselves so isn’t it time that we take care of who He’s loved and made, ourselves? It’s time to peel back the layers and heal each wound from the past and the best part of this is that we don’t do it alone. He, our heavenly Father, is right there with us every step of the way.

And this brings me to where I am currently in all this. I have been on this healing journey for almost 3 years. I love who I am and who God says I am but there are times that I don’t have the faith I need to move forward without fear. I found myself this week in all the feels and emotions and I know the enemy was doing his best to make me fearful. I am in limbo in every area of my life right now and you know that’s ok. I’m in between jobs currently, and making a dream come true (more on this very soon, I promise). It’s in all the in-betweens that we see our fears. But they don’t have to overtake us if we truly have faith. The same God who formed us loves us and is by us will never and I mean never let us down.

I realized last Monday night that I needed those scriptures and reminders of His love. I managed to do the lesson without too much nervousness. I like to write not speak in public. I challenge my readers today with this. Is there anything you need to go back to and heal to ensure your victory? Do you have a personal relationship with God? If not, let’s make sure you get that and start your healing journey to a better you and an even better relationship with God. The victory ahead of us is paved with God’s mercies, grace, provision, and His great love for all of us.

As always, thank you for being here with me on this healing journey. Praying for blessings until the next time.

Happy March friends! One of the things that has been requested for me to write about is when a person is ready to date again after being in an abusive relationship.  I touched briefly on this in the last post. It’s only natural that when we’ve finally found ourselves and begin loving ourselves, we want to venture back into the dating world. That’s a biggie there. So, when is a good time in this healing journey? Well, I will tell you that we never completely “finish” healing. There is always something that shows up from our past that may need to be addressed. But hopefully, those are fewer and farther between as we are on our journey. For me, I wanted companionship, but I also wanted my peace, quietness, and above all my boundaries.

Dating again requires learning and unlearning your own relationship behaviors as well as being able to identify any toxic behaviors in others. I prayed before entering the dating world. I prayed that anyone who didn’t need to be in my life that God would reveal so. I also knew beforehand what I would say if my boundaries were disrespected.  Of course, if you’ve done your work, you will expect who you’re talking with to have done the same. We get to a certain age and realize that you will no doubt be dating someone who has been married before, usually with children. Hopefully, this potential date has done their work like you have but I will be honest here, most have not, and you will recognize this and not want to date this person. That’s the advantage of totally immersing yourself in your healing and providing the time and energy to do so. This enables you to recognize the toxic behaviors and concentrate on healthy relationship attributes. Because let’s face it if you’ve done your work then you are not showing up as the codependent people pleaser ready to get into a serious relationship on the first date. Since you are emotionally self-aware that’s exactly what you are looking for, not only self-awareness but emotional maturity as well. Also, if you’ve done your work you will want to be happy with yourself by yourself. In other words, I love my life as a single woman. I don’t need a man to complete me in any form or fashion. If you can’t add value to my life, then just go on about yourself.  I literally treated dating as a job interview. I had a list of criteria, boundaries of course, and requirements. If during the initial talking, I felt an inkling of low self-esteem, no self-awareness, and they had done no work on themselves, or anything that didn’t meet my requirements then I took myself out of the conversation.  Especially if they tried to cross any boundaries. Like whew, that was a BIG NO THANK YOU! 

Another huge issue for folks dating after abusive relationships often depending on what type of abuse there was in that relationship or previously is trust. This is where if you are lucky enough to find someone you feel safe with your friendship/relationship moves slowly. I mean slow as a snail. You want to address any triggers in yourself, and the slowness helps ensure your awareness of these if they occur also if the other person is truly right for you, they will certainly understand your slower process in dating. I had to trust myself much less the person I dated. This is a huge factor in dating. Most of all know your worth. Love who you are. Never settle. I don’t know about you, but I’ve worked too hard to find myself to go backwards in this journey. I can’t stress enough that if dating is what you want to do that you do this safely.

Please feel free to email me on this site or message me on whatever social media site you prefer with any questions or requests you may have for me to write about. I enjoy getting requests. As always, thank you for being here with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Since it’s the week of Valentine’s Day I thought I would answer some questions I’ve had on love bombing. Let’s start with what love bombing actually means. Love bombing is a pattern of behavior that is overly affectionate which typically occurs at the beginning of a relationship, most often a romantic one, where a person “bombs” the other with over-the-top displays of adoration and attention. It is a type of emotional abuse where someone uses grand gestures to manipulate another person. Love bombing is used to make a friend, partner, or loved one dependent on them so they can control the relationship and move into this relationship at a very fast pace. Love bombing is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves a person going above and beyond for you in an effort to manipulate you into a relationship with them.

Some of the signs of love bombing are:

They lavish you with gifts, especially inappropriate or extravagant ones, and don’t take no for an answer.

They bombard you with phone calls, texts, and messages over social media 24/7, and will become angry or needy if you don’t respond right away.

They can’t stop complimenting you and expressing their undying love for you, even if you barely know each other.

They want your undivided attention and demand commitment early in the relationship, often using phrases like “soulmate” or “the one”.

Your boundaries are immediately disrespected, and they will eventually try to isolate you from your family and friends or get jealous when you spend time with other people.

If you recognize some of these signs, it doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is toxic, but listen to your intuition if the person trying to pursue you seems too good to be true. I know firsthand how harmful love bombing can be to your mental and emotional health, and it can make it harder to leave an abusive relationship.

This is all along with them rushing you into a relationship disregarding all boundaries and personal space. I will say here that this has been the forefront of all my toxic relationships.

Being healed and setting boundaries is a huge factor in not being manipulated in these types of relationships. Anytime you feel those boundaries threatened or feel rushed stop and take a break from the person. If they can’t give you your time, then you know for sure it’s a toxic environment. Usually, and I’m speaking from experience, you will know in just a few conversations if this person is toxic and may be a potential threat to you. That is of course, if you have solid boundaries. I decided that expectations were no longer a “thing” in my life, and I now have requirements. Expectations are things hoped for whereas requirements are necessities. Basically, stating that I will be respected, my boundaries will be respected, and I require honesty and loyalty. Your requirements may be different than mine. I once begged for the bare minimum which I will never do again. These requirements are strongly held in place and if someone wishes to be a part of my life, they either meet these or I don’t have them in my life. That’s the key, as unhealed codependent people pleasers we fear loneliness and will do absolutely anything to keep someone interested.  And this is exactly where we can be “love-bombed” and manipulated into thinking this person loves us deeply and is a partner all the while rushing into a toxic relationship.

I pray for those in these relationships who believe that if they are “better” or “do” more the person they’re with will be that once wonderful and loving person. That was all a lie. You will never see that man or woman again. It was all part of the manipulation phase. 

This is what I did when I started dating again and I do believe that it is sound advice. Talk to the person for a while before going out on a date. Talk about real-life issues such as religion, the Bible, family issues, work habits, politics, and world issues, what happened with their previous relationship or relationships, and basically talk about their life philosophy. Do they have a positive attitude, outgoing, shy, good conversationalist, etc? This really worked for me, and I was able to tell if they were the least toxic or manipulative. I called it my narc checklist. If they wanted to rush me, I just wouldn’t talk anymore much less go out on a date. I mean why bother if they were going to cross my boundaries. Hint here…it’s also very helpful to know what you want or what you’re looking for, what you won’t settle for again, and most importantly what you won’t tolerate again.

As always, I’m so glad you are with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

If you’re anything like me I often tell my co-workers, friends, and people I come into contact with at work statements to uplift them daily. When my children were younger and as they grew up, they also received daily reminders of their importance not only in my life but also, in their worth in this big world. It’s so easy to pour into others but when it comes to us, well we tend to not affirm ourselves. For someone who was told for years they were not enough, this is a daunting task nonetheless an important aspect of our well-being.

When I realized what in-depth healing, I truly needed, I dug deep into the inner child and started where I had first felt the pangs of unworthiness. While doing this I realized how much this little girl had been hurt. After researching what was needed here, I told that little girl that she was beautiful and worthy, intelligent, and capable helped tremendously. This also helped me decide to incorporate daily affirmations for myself. Due to low self-esteem for so many years, I would tell others how wonderful they were and build them up daily but neglected myself. These daily affirmations tend to make a big difference in our positivity and strength.

Daily affirmations are statements that are meant to give your self-esteem a boost. These are usually based on your own needs and emotions. For me, I started out telling myself I was worthy and loved. There are so many benefits to adding positive self-affirmations to your daily routines. For example, affirmations can reduce stress, increase feelings of wellness, and help people embrace behavioral changes that can improve their mental health and boost their self-esteem.

In my circumstances, my self-esteem was so low from previous trauma that it made me a target for all the toxic folks. The first thing I did was to place affirmations on my mirrors to see every day. Because let’s face it that’s where we spend our mornings getting ready for the day and getting ready for bedtime. Some that I used and still have on there are: you are enough, good morning new life, and the most important one is God’s calls you beautiful, loved, healed, forgiven, cherished, valued, needed, hopeful, changed, redeemed, adored, prized, renewed, and joyful. For me what God says about me is much more important than what anyone has ever spoken to me. Unfortunately, it took decades for me to really know and feel this in my heart.

What we speak is what we think and that makes us feel whatever we are speaking into existence. Positiveness should always be spoken to ourselves. Let’s look at this in another way, God Himself tells us about our worth in the Bible. He says we are masterpieces. “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10. We were created for a purpose and uniquely made by Him.  Since He created us each uniquely with purpose, we should never doubt His handiwork, but we are human and fall short. We are chosen people. 1 Peter 2:9. He says we are forgiven. Ephesians 1:7. The list of what He says about us goes on and on. I personally rely on what God says about me instead of others. That’s how I began to truly heal and love who I am.

Healing your trauma and past allows us to find our authentic selves and love ourselves which means that positive reinforcement of daily affirmations confirms those beliefs and feelings to make us whole in our healing and boosts our self-esteem as well. Next time you see someone that looks like they need a boost smile and tell them something nice about themselves. You will make their day.

So grateful that you’re on this journey with me. Blessings until the next time.

Wow, it’s been a busy busy first couple weeks of January! I hope you all have been doing well and staying well. I’ve been surrounded by sick folks. Fortunately, I am a firm believer in healthy supplements, so I have managed to stay well, as I knock on wood! Needless to say, I’ve also seen some pain that reminded me of one of the hardest times of my life. I’ve often been asked why you didn’t just leave your abuser. Well, I will tell you why.

It all starts with the conditioning. See, it’s slow, it’s manipulative, it’s methodical, it’s controlling, and it’s isolating. I will say this being a two-time survivor of abuse is that in the beginning, you don’t realize it’s going in that direction at all. This is especially true if you are not a healed person who has healthy boundaries. These circumstances are perfect for these types of abusers to find a safe haven with no boundaries and someone seeking “love” even if it’s not real love. When you don’t know yourself, you don’t love yourself therefore you can’t really know what love is either. Don’t get me wrong I know God loves me and I love my children and grandchildren but until I started healing and really peeled back the layers of pain and healed those areas I first of all didn’t know who I was much less liked myself. Now of course I have those boundaries and can “smell” a narcissist or toxic person a mile away.

The next reason it’s hard is fear. Financial fears, fear of the unknown, fearful of what they will do, and overcoming the thoughts they’ve placed in your mind that you can’t do it alone, you can’t do anything right, you will never be able to find anyone that will take you and your child, and in my particular situation I was in fear of my life. No matter what the fear might be it’s all due to the mental and physical abuse and conditioning that’s traumatized you. I mean how many times did I need to be told that I was worthless, ugly, and stupid before I started believing these words about myself. This caused low self-esteem and zero ability to make decisions. I was unable to keep a job due to all the broken bones and bruises so that made it hard for me to save money to get away. But I would save a bit here and there from grocery money and stash it away to make my getaway.

Another reason it’s hard is denial, embarrassment, and shame. I didn’t tell my family what was happening to me. Ever. Like how could I? At the beginning of the abuse, I was in total denial and made excuses for his behavior. I wasn’t really embarrassed until much later down the road, and I rarely spoke of this part of my life. It was not until my last major life mistake that I decided to not only heal from it all but speak out about my personal experiences to help others who may feel like I had for all those years.

I had absolutely no idea what I would face later down that road and the only real plan I had was that my friend drive me to my parents to get one of my Dad’s cars. All I told him was that I had a job offer in Atlanta which I did and that my baby and I were going to move into my friends in Chamblee until I could get on my feet. I went back down to Florida and lined up a moving truck and I would pack up our things when my husband went to work. I arranged for the friends I was to move in with to come down on a particular day and come right after he went to work. We packed all of our belongings and left town. My sweet friend who just did this had the exact same reaction I did. We shook while packing and leaving but we never let it show and felt like we were going to throw up. We were both told that we looked so strong, but inside we were shattered completely. We held our heads high not knowing what our future would be. Well, I know her future is just beginning to look different just like mine did. I pray that she stays strong and unharmed!

It took me 30-plus years to be able to go back there and not be triggered. The greatest part of healing is gaining true freedom from all that haunts us. So grateful to be on this side of my healing journey and that you all are with me here. I do have a favor to ask of you, please pray for all who are still in abusive relationships and especially for my precious friend. She has a long road of healing. Appreciate you all. Blessings until the next time!

Happy New Year friends! Here we are in a new year, with new opportunities, and new visions for the year.  As the end of last year approached, there were all types of word quizzes for the new year. I did several of these and one of the words that continued to appear was imagine. Well, as I prayed and studied this word, I do believe that it’s very appropriate. Don’t we all imagine our lives in a certain way?  Don’t we imagine our futures in the way we want them? I know I’m guilty of this and I feel that is part of the hope we carry in our hearts and minds.  I looked up scriptures with the word imagine in them and found this one. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” Ephesians 3:20. Now if that’s not full of hope I don’t know what is and He is capable of doing or providing more than we can imagine. The definition of imagine is to basically form a mental image of something that is not in our presence, something that is not formed yet in our lives or futures. Well, well so we can believe that our Lord can do more than we can imagine!

This word imagine is not a coincidence for me at all. I needed to be reminded that He can do immeasurably more than I could ever imagine for myself. The operative word here is myself. I can get so caught up in the everyday busyness that I forget that I don’t have and don’t need control in this life, especially if I want to be in God’s will. He has a plan and a future for each of us for hope and our good, Jeremiah 29:11. What I neglect at times is to allow surrender to my plan and wild imagination that I have to Him and His will. This goes for my healing journey as well.  If we are all honest with one another, I bet we all do that from time to time. I’ve learned on this healing journey that it is impossible without Him. In my own power, I can do absolutely nothing, but with Him all is possible.  I would have never imagined that I would be creating videos for social media, writing a blog, or leading a women’s codependency group, but here I am doing just that.

Before I started healing, I could never imagine my future. I only saw my failures and pain from the past. As I walked through each day, I totally surrendered to God there was no other way. I could never go back to the person I had been my whole life. The damaged unhealed Kimberly didn’t know who she was or what she wanted from life. Sounds ridiculous but I didn’t know my favorite food or color. Only God could lead me through the healing.  So grateful that through the process I do know what I want in life, my favorite color and food. Boundaries firmly in place. I know who my true friends are, and I can tell who is toxic and remove them from my circle. My secret weapon in that is that I pray every day for God to reveal or remove the toxicity from my life!

So, as I allow the Lord to lead me into 2024, I can imagine immeasurable possibilities for this year and beyond. Friends, I hope that you are praying and imagining your future brighter and bigger than ever before. So grateful for you on this journey with me. Can’t wait to see where this healing journey takes us. Blessings until the next time.

Merry Christmas friends. This week my heart has just been hurt for so many people close to me. Those who have lost loved ones this year, those who have just lost someone in this season, those who don’t feel that God is close to them, those who are on the brink of a break-through are struggling to keep their faith and fight, those still in abusive situations, and those who are just tired and weary of sickness and problems. I’ve been there in each of these places, and I know how badly these all hurt. I can assure you that God never leaves us even when we don’t feel Him close to us. There’s never a second, He’s not helping us in our battles.   

When I first began this blog there were defining moments of stillness where the Lord would literally have to stop me in my tracks because this girl was everywhere, squirrel here squirrel there.  It was in those moments that I knew He was close because only He could still me. Only He could calm my racing heart and mind.  Only He could touch my heart and still my thoughts.  Those early days in healing I was always moving, thinking, and on the move, constantly.  Whatever journey you’re on whether it’s sickness, grief, trauma healing, addiction, loneliness, divorce, or abuse.  YOU matter. The little things, the big things, the hard-to-say things. They ALL matter to Him.

Sometimes in the act of acceptance of His most gracious love, mercy, and grace is what turns our hearts into hopeful vessels.  Accepting Him means allowing surrender in our minds and hearts so that He can move and do the work He needs to do in and through us. This is honestly how we heal. Without my Heavenly Father there would have been no healing for me.  There’s absolutely no way I would have known where to turn or what to do without His divine guidance.  Therapy and counseling are necessary but true healing in my opinion comes from our Heavenly Father.  Today, I can tell you how grateful I am for all the circumstances that led me to this healing journey, and with the biggest smile on my face I can tell you that I am happier than I’ve ever been.  Although I don’t think we ever entirely heal because healing is simply not linear there is nothing wrong with being the happiest versions of ourselves on our healing paths. 

Today, my heart and prayers are with each person out there in their valleys desperate for His touch and guidance. May He wrap His loving arms around you and give you the comfort and peace you need for your day. “May the God of hope fill you fill all joy and peace as you believe in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and the best yet New Year.  

Time has just flown by this year, hello December. As I prayed this week about what direction to write here today, a recurring idea kept stirring my heart. This idea was backed up by my pastor’s messages on miracles and, of course, the music that I am playing even now as I type. I have been stuck on Maverick City’s God Problems, More Than Able, and In the Room. These lyrics speak so deeply to my heart. If know me then you know that I love music and it fills my soul. I am so grateful for the moments that God stills me and washes over my mind and spirit.

Two years ago, I was five months divorced and dealing with many different emotions, but mostly I questioned my past decisions with men and wondered why I always chose the wrong ones. God stilled me one day as I prayed and cried out for His help to heal the past, and more importantly me. There is where I learned I was codependent and my journey to heal all the pieces of my past life. Last Monday night, I picked up my two-year chip at Celebrate Recovery. These moments are huge for someone in recovery! It marks the time we’ve healed and grown. It’s in this healing we have to believe in God’s promises and surrender to His will for our lives. For myself, these are the miracles of life. I call my miracles, God moments. I’ve been so blessed to have so many God moments. Even knowing all that He has done for me at times I forget that He is more than able to take care of each need even the little ones. Big or small our God is more than able and hears each prayer we lift. My pastor today spoke on “consistent and persistent” prayers. A lot of folks don’t believe that you should pray the same prayer every day. I disagree. I believe that the process of believing and stating our prayer requests not only is heard by our Lord and Savior, but it internally changes our attitude towards the desired prayer and our Heavenly Father. The hope and posture of surrender in our prayers can change our hearts. I know mine has changed me. I journal daily, I went back to two years ago, and seeing what God has done in the last two years blows me away. Trusting, believing, and surrendering to the one who created me. All the God moments, healing, and growth keep me writing here, serving at Celebrate Recovery, and most of all strengthening my faith daily.

I have a special request if you’re reading this today, pray for those who are in abusive relationships, or struggling in recovery. This time of year is not so merry and bright for everyone, especially in those situations.

Thank you for being here with me on this wonderful healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

Happy Thanksgiving friends! What a wonderful time I had with my family. I hope you had a great time with your family as well. We have so much to be grateful for. Especially if you are healing!

I’ve talked about my triggers before and how I go down the rabbit hole to try and heal the area deep down that it comes from, well recently I dove headfirst into a rabbit hole of feelings that I didn’t understand at all. This situation that had occurred was one I had actually stated was going to happen months ago and I was confident that God had a plan and purpose, but that afternoon I was shaken by the thought and wasn’t sure what this response was or if it was a response to a trigger. All I knew was that it was extremely uncomfortable. We are taught in our healing process that if there is a response to trace it back to a possible trigger and heal the issue. Well, I was tracing, searching, and praying and no trigger was there. I realized after our Monday night lesson at Celebrate Recovery that it was a trust issue. The lesson itself was on Turn, turning over our lives, hurts, hang-ups, and addictions to God. Each letter has an acronym. T was trusting God. As the lesson went forward it literally slapped me in the face that I wasn’t truly trusting God with this situation. There was definitely a crack if not a hole in my armor. I had been so worked up over trying to fix this supposed response from a trigger that I never considered it could be an attack from the enemy. And in the process, realized I was trying to fix the issue to the point of perfectionism. This was a true epiphany. I felt like something was wrong with me and I couldn’t find an answer which frustrated me to no end. But does there always have to be “something wrong with me”? No not at all. It does help us when we self-evaluate ourselves like I did but at the same time sitting in that particular “feeling” and praying ultimately helps too. Unfortunately, I’ve judged and/or feared my emotions. I’ve judged and feared them well because mainly we are often told that they are fickle, but if we don’t recognize our feelings, we can’t change them, which ends up negatively impacting our lives.

Here are some clues that I use to pinpoint my emotional triggers:

Is my feeling one of needing acceptance, respect, being liked, to be understood, being needed, valued, in control, right, be treated fairly, attention, comfort, freedom, peacefulness, balance, consistency, order, predictability, love, safety, feeling included, and autonomy? After pinpointing which feeling it is, I decide how I want to feel and what I want to do. I practice this and my emotional triggers have almost disappeared. What’s left may never be gone for good but I also have these steps to help when those feelings or triggers pop up.

Relax – breathe in and out to release the tension in your body.

Detach – clear your mind of all thoughts.

Center – drop your awareness to the center of your body.

Focus – choose one keyword that represents how you want to feel at this moment. Breathe in the word that you’ve chosen and allow yourself to feel the shift. Such as peace or joy. I use peaceful all the time. I’ve also just spoken the name of Jesus over and over again. This brings me to a great state of peacefulness.

If I choose to feel something different when an emotion arises. I can ultimately gain emotional freedom.  All these steps and clues are wonderful but ultimately, I owe my healing victories to God. He’s the one who has aligned me and placed me in the church I’m a part of, Celebrate Recovery, meeting all my new sweet friends, and my wonderful family. I was glad to know that my feelings weren’t part of a trigger response and blessed to know that I can trust my heavenly Father with ALL my thoughts and issues.

I’m so grateful for you here with me on our healing journey! Praying blessings for you until the next time!

Happy November friends! I am one of those who wait until after Halloween to bring out the Christmas decorations! Yes, I started last weekend and am almost finished decorating for Christmas! I love my decorations and they make me happy, so I do it! Not that I don’t love Thanksgiving, but I believe that Thanksgiving should be a state of mind every day all year and honestly celebrating Christ should be too. Anyway, these past couple of weeks have been trying to say the least. During this time, I heard a couple of stories that really bothered me, so I wanted to write about it today.

My own healing journey has made me much more aware of the need to detach from situations and people that are no good for me. I pray every day that the Lord remove or allow me to see who and what should go for my well-being. It’s come to my attention that more and more folks are out there who live the way I had unhealed with no boundaries and the attraction magnet of toxic people or partners. Although it’s good to know that I wasn’t alone in this, it saddens me deeply that there are good people out there getting hurt and attached to the wrong people. There are people out there that I have simply detached from and still remain in their lives mainly because they quite simply put are toxic. Don’t get me wrong I don’t walk around thinking I’m better than anyone at all but my boundaries and prayers have made me so very aware of the negative, toxic, and damaging behaviors that I detach or even remove myself totally from the life of that person. It’s basically just taking a step back and evaluating the relationship itself and how it affects you and your mental health. It took me 58 years to realize I had to unlearn my thoughts about myself and take the much-needed time to heal those old wounds and traumas. At 60, I’ve learned who I am, what I want, and what I want out of a relationship, set healthy boundaries around those ideals, and not compromise those boundaries for the better good of myself and my family.

Boundaries are a must in life but so is knowing who you are and your worth! I couldn’t have boundaries until I knew myself and understood how important my self-esteem, mental health, healing, and honestly loving who I truly am. Within that context that’s where detachment is necessary, let’s say you are talking with someone with the notion of dating, and you start seeing red flags, well we have a choice here. Do we ignore those red flags? Or do we detach from this individual? I’m a firm believer nowadays to detach and move on!!!! I, in the past, ignored every single red flag and ended up marrying these people like I loved the circus. Yes, I make jokes about it all. Might as well. There are just certain things that I refuse to tolerate in my life anymore and if it means I’m single for the rest of my life so be it. I would much rather be single and loving life than in another horrid marriage or relationship where I sacrifice my dignity, mental health, or my safety.

So, if you are or plan to get into the dating world or have those folks in your life that strain your mental health. I urge you to heal, know yourself and love yourself, set healthy boundaries, and tolerate nothing that undermines your self-worth.

I’m so very grateful for you on this healing journey with me and I pray that we can heal and thrive together.