Our Rising Hope

Happy December everyone. I recently had some circumstances that reminded me of the “why” I advocate for abuses, write here, and create reels. My grandson played football for a recreational team this fall and during the last game the other team laid down on the field on the last play. Of course, that was absolutely the most disrespectful display I’ve ever seen, especially in this age group playing sports. We all just watched with our mouths open in disbelief and those poor players on our team were confused to say the least.

Our team players had grown so much during this season and although we didn’t win that game they played their little hearts out. I watched the team, and coaches grow and become a better unified team together. This KK and mama heart was beyond proud of the son that helped coach these young boys to be respectful team players and to be respectful to the opposing teams they played and my grandson out there playing his heart out. I emailed, called, and finally got responses but honestly, I was not directly called a liar, but they didn’t have to directly say it. I guess they thought I didn’t have anything else to do but complain. They’ve not heard the last of me because the way I was treated and others that have tried to make positive changes within the recreation department sports have been shut down. I’m not entirely sure which direction I will go in this, but I’m not done.

In this process, I felt like I was fighting to be heard. This all brought back the years of not being heard, the years of sweeping it all under the rug because no one would believe me that any wrongdoing was being done to me. It brought back my “why”. Not that I’ve lost it or questioned because I post every day. I speak my truth every single day. I think it made it clearer to me that my voice, your voice, all our voices are of the utmost importance. Our experiences that shape us give us our “voice” the ability to stand up and be heard. This goes for every single aspect of our lives. Our voices are truth, the light that no one else can dim. Our voices are energy or frequency that can be used for goodness and truth. Our voices can be used to help others, encourage others, to educate others, and be a beacon of light for those who can’t speak yet. So today, speak your truth. Use your voice. Make a difference in our crazy world.

As always, thank you for being here with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

Happy May friends. A lot has been on my mind lately so this post might be a long one. As I’m typing, I’m listening to the words, “I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m not afraid of the darkness…everything is gonna be alright…and that’s Jesus”. For those who know me, music fills my soul. The darkness that got us here on this healing journey is difficult to be grateful for at times, but it was a necessary part of our lives to grow and recover from.

One important aspect that folks don’t think about is the generational traumas. Generational traumas are simply put unresolved trauma on individuals and families. Some examples are domestic violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, neglect, toxic environments or relationships, and any other adverse behaviors. It’s often been stated that we all are products of our environment’s aka family dynamics and while this is very true, we sometimes have the ability to recognize what is not what we want to carry onward and decide nope this is not what I will allow. Two examples here, my father was raised by an alcoholic father that was not only an alcoholic but abusive as well. Although my father liked the taste of alcohol, he prided himself on his discipline over that. He also was the kindest and most generous man I’ve ever known. I got caught drinking one time in school and he asked me if I liked the taste of whiskey, so I said yes sir I do, and he told me that anything that could become a bad habit must have a strong discipline. He was exactly right. He didn’t want to be the man and father he had so he changed that. My first decision for breaking trauma that I didn’t even understand I was breaking was the fact that I didn’t want to be the mother that I had so when I had my children, I was the opposite of how I was treated growing up. Although I wasn’t healed, I’m grateful that my children got at least that from me. Their precious souls deserved a totally healed mother and unfortunately, they have had to heal from many situations that they encountered during their childhood. My bad decisions with ex-husbands and toxic relationships allowed codependency, abusive relationships, and a multitude of other things they both witnessed. The good things they witnessed though, like work ethics, strong faith and determination obviously had a positive effect on them. I often tell people that my only real regret is not healing earlier in my life for those two. At the same time, we also have to know that without everything we go and grow through determines our healing. So, I do try to turn regret into gratitude for that reason.

My greatest treasures are my children both could have turned into their fathers and their behaviors and traumas. My son was angry for along time that I kept him away from his father but then realized that most of his father’s children were just like him. My son broke that generational trauma. He’s a great man, father, and husband. He’s successful in business and as a behavior analyst. I’m so very proud of that. My daughter makes me just as proud. She was kept from her parent as well and she could have easily been a product of that trauma instead she’s a successful woman who is a correctional counselor. Strong in her faith and so very talented in many ways. Very creative.

See we can change our futures and our families sometimes we don’t even realize what the decisions we make early on can impact those down the road. We can heal ourselves and in that we heal our future. In that healing we find peace and sometimes we even thrive. Thank you for being here with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

Hello sweet friends! I sure hope you all are doing well and you’re ready for spring. I know I sure am. I have had lots on this mind lately. For instance, why do we stay in relationships, positions, friendships longer than we should? Yeah, this stepped on my own toes. I’ve been guilty of this too many times to count.  I mean let’s face it our intuition tells us it doesn’t feel right no matter the circumstance. Is it out of loyalty or codependence? I’ve in the past stayed at a job even though I felt that it was time to move on. Part of that for myself is fear. It’s looked at as loyalty, but it’s truly rooted in codependence. Same thing for relationships and friendships. Let’s dig a bit deeper here for a minute.

Loyalty and codependency are related but very different. Loyalty comes from a place of an emotional stance where you have strong allegiance or feeling of support while codependency is rooted in anxiety and control. Codependency strives to fill voids in the self through another person, place, or thing. Whereas loyalty comes from the emotional side of strong feelings. We are loyal to our jobs, friends, and partners and that’s healthy but when it crosses the line of your own emotional state that’s when it’s no longer healthy. Such as staying in a toxic relationship. If it no longer brings peace and only strife and that intuition is saying it’s time to remove yourself. Take the step to remove yourself. That’s part of my boundaries in any circumstance. If it no longer brings peace to me, it’s time to move on. Life is way too short to spend time wasted where you don’t belong, you no longer feel peace, or there’s true distress in your life due to this circumstance. This means a job, a friend, a partner, or any other affiliation.

It’s really easy to tell yourself you’re being loyal out of your love or allegiance. Just dig deep within yourself and make sure the codependency isn’t the reason behind it. It’s easier for me now to move forward even when I don’t want to. I certainly don’t want to waste any more of my precious time here on earth being codependent. What about you?

I hope that your healing journey is going well. We all have our days. Don’t get discouraged. Just keep moving forward day by day. Our Heavenly Father is always there with us cheering us onward and by our sides.

I’m so grateful for you here with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Hello friends,

Microsoft has had me in limbo again for the last few days. It’s so frustrating. I almost feel like the enemy doesn’t want this word to be seen. Well let’s get into it. Perception has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m sure you all have been perceived as someone you’re not or even in a bad light. It’s pretty amazing that some can see you as a wonderful, spirited person and others perceive a more negative light. This is frustrating to your mind and soul. Being a past people pleaser this always ended up with me changing into someone else to suit those perceptions formed. In my healing, I’ve learned that you cannot please everyone. Even the best intentions are sometimes viewed negatively. “Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.” Coach Bobbi. Let’s be honest here why do we allow someone’s opinion of us even bother us? Within that context, let’s dig into those words of Coach Bobbi. The way your mind perceives those around you is directly a consequence of what makes you who you are. In other words, we all have a perception that has been formed due to the values, experiences, and thinking that are entirely different from our own. Going a step farther, depending on the other person’s very thought process or experience in that moment you can be perceived in a different light from their immediate circumstances. This means that if they are perceiving you in a negative image they very well may have a negative energy within themselves. This is where your good and true intentions towards people in general will always win. I’ve been told that my smile lights up a room and that my “light” shines through and by others that I’m rude or negative. That’s ok. Sometimes the dark likes to extinguish the light. But if your intentions are pure nothing can extinguish the light.

I’ve said all that to say this, we in recovery, whether it’s codependency, bad marriages, alcohol, narcotics, or whatever it may be you are recovering from may have the best and purest intentions and still be seen in a negative manner. We know where we’ve come from in our struggles, we also know how those trials and struggles have changed our hearts and minds. What’s more important is that God knows. He knows your heart of hearts and knows that the struggles you’ve endured have purified your minds and hearts to be better than the day before, to become filled with passion for Him and His kingdom and to love those in His kingdom. Not everyone will see those battle scars because of their own hurt and pain. Not everyone will see the love and kindness you have for them. Keep showing up and keep loving. Light this dark and negative world up with His light and love and use the gifts He has given you. A song just came to mind. “God Only Knows” by for King and Country. “God only knows what you’ve been through. God only knows what they say about you…But there’s a kind of love that God only knows.”

My healing started when I allowed God control. And that’s the only way it’s continued. I’m not so concerned about the perceptions of others that know nothing about me and this heart of mine. I’m more concerned about what God says and knows about me and about my heart that I ask daily to be filled with Him and for me to not be seen but only Him shine through to those I come into contact with.

No matter your past or battles you’ve endured, you have a light and a testimony to share with those around you. Don’t let negative perceptions stand in your way. Stand up my friends and light this world with His love. As always, I’m so grateful for you with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Merry Christmas friends! I’ve had a bit of bad luck with Microsoft lately. It appears that someone hijacked one of my email addresses and it’s taken some time to get this issue corrected. At any rate here I am again. This is just one of the many inconveniences lately. The enemy has definitely tried to take me down a notch or two for the last few months but you know that you and I serve a much bigger God and He always is there for me and YOU!

During this time of year I see so many hurting, lonely, and unhappy people. I urge you all to be kind to everyone you meet. You may very well be the only light they have this holiday season. Kindness goes a long way for everyone. So many people have lost their loved ones and barely making it through this new season without them. Also be careful of those toxic people you’ve worked so hard to heal from that they don’t cross those boundaries you’ve set. I guess what I’m saying is don’t get caught up in your loneliness and willingly allow toxicity back into your life. Toxic or narcissistic people will definitely try to come back to you when they think you’re at a low point only to discard you all over again. They beg, fake apologize, use guilt, or shame, and usually make empty promises. Guard your heart and mind and above all remember that it’s better to be alone than alone in a toxic nightmare relationship.

I have followers and friends that are still in their toxic relationships and my heart truly breaks for what they endure. I have a special request if you’re reading this today, pray for those who are in abusive relationships, or struggling in recovery. This time of year is not so merry and bright for everyone, especially in those situations.

Thank you for being here with me on this wonderful healing journey. Merry Christmas! Blessings until the next time.

How’s it going, my friends? Has it been a rough few weeks? I’ll be honest the enemy has been hitting me pretty hard the last month. I found myself mully grubbing, ungrateful, tired, and completely worn slap out. And over the last week or so I’ve talked with so many others who were feeling the same “stuckness” and some that have had heartbreaks one after another.  Our world has definitely seen better days. The enemy prowls all around us and the goal is to wear us down so we don’t feel like praying, praising, or feeling gratitude.

I knew I was going to write today, planned it all out, prayed about it, and figured I would write about gratitude and when I went to church today well, I got my confirmation that gratitude and praise is exactly what I should write about. See, we can have the absolute worst day and still find something no matter how small it may be to be grateful for and to praise His goodness for our lives. And I’m preaching to myself here folks. Because I have written here before about how grateful I truly am. I have everything in the world to be thankful for. I am truly grateful for everything that has transpired in my life no matter how bad or ugly God rescued me from it and gave me a new purpose in my life. My pastor mentioned Paul in his message and Paul’s writing in the Bible has always been my favorite because look at what God did in his life. He took a murderer and changed his life and heart. Paul wrote most of the New Testament and he was in dire situations in most of these writings. Paul spoke of a “thorn in his side” and he asked God to remove this thorn. God replied, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. Right here!!!! No matter how pissy we are and no matter the terrible day we’ve had His grace is sufficient for us. Let’s take it a bit further, over the last few weeks I’ve had nightmares of my past. I was raped thirty-five years ago on Halloween. Even though that man is no longer alive to hurt me I sometimes dream about it. Those dreams lead to the onslaught of the rest of my shortcomings, issues, and bad relationships, the guilt of not healing earlier for my kids, and the list goes on and on. That’s where the enemy wanted me. But I didn’t stay there. I started telling God how much I’m grateful for it all and I truly mean it. I’m grateful for every wrong direction, bad decision, every bad thing that was ever said or done to me. Why? Because He turned it all into a testimony, a survivor’s story. Without all the darkness I couldn’t know the light now. It all made me who I am right now. I’ve met some of the most beautiful and wonderful people in my healing journey. I’m so grateful for each of them and I pray that I get to meet even more. Without healing, I wouldn’t have these wonderful people.  Just as our past shapes our lives, praise and gratitude do the same, changing our perspectives and molding our attitudes into one of thankfulness and love.

I’m ever so grateful for you on this healing journey with me. Praying for blessings until the next time.

Here we are with three months left in 2024, how will you finish this year? I pray that we all finish these months well and safely. I’m still working on my goals for this year one being Our Rising Hope, LLC life coaching services. If you are a frequent visitor to this page, you’ve seen the additional information about my life coaching services. Although not officially official, it’s getting there one step at a time. I hope to have all pieces of this puzzle complete by the end of the year. Of course, there’s the usual I want to lose 20 pounds and make endless lists for the holiday to dos. Yes, all that is on my list and of course to continue shining a light on abuses and healing. While that’s a hefty list of to-dos before the end of the year one more item has to be placed on their and that’s to continue to heal and grow.

Since October is known for Domestic Violence Month let’s revisit this a bit. A person will usually allow the abuser back into their lives an average of seven times. Seven times is one time too many. I was a blessed woman to have survived but some don’t survive. It’s imperative to heal after these relationships because if not that will be the exact relationship you get into again. Repeatedly, if not healed.

There are several types of abuse such as physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, and verbal. I have endured them all. And with God’s great mercy and love, I survived them all. Our God is greater than anything we’ve done or have had done to us! He’s rescued me from every bad decision, and poor choice, and despite all my shortcomings He’s loved me and never left my side. If today you are reading this and are in an abusive relationship, God’s with you too. There’s help in our communities that can and will protect you and your children.  

Here are some ways that we can prevent these situations in our lives. Boundaries are key here.

• Valuing my opinions
• Not compromising my personal values
• Knowing my personal needs and wants and actually communicating them.
• Saying no instead of yes, all the time.
• Staying focused on my personal growth and healing
• Trusting my decisions
• Not allowing others to deter my direction on those decisions
• Know who I am and what I want
• Keeping track of red flags instead of ignoring them.

Being healed before entering into new relationships, not hopping from one to another person unhealed will ensure that you are in the relationship for the right reasons, and with boundaries in place you will be on alert if those boundaries are being sidestepped.

Having an accountability person to meet or be around this new person in your life. Going slow and getting to know the other person on all levels before moving forward. Have real conversations on topics and see where this person is on topics like religion, politics, family life, their healing, and past relationships. If the boundaries are not honored and you see red flags, STOP talking and seeing this person. These are all ways to ensure that you are not setting yourself up for another abusive relationship.

Also, remember that if you do have a family member or friend in these situations you can be supportive and love them although they might not get away from their abuser. This will only happen when they are ready, you can’t force them because they will resist and shut you out. I did this myself.

Please don’t lose hope! There is healing, happiness, and a joyful life after abuse! All things are possible with our God! I seriously had no idea what my life would be like until I started intentionally healing and now, I look forward to what God has in store for me with each new day. I’m so grateful for my continued healing and thriving.

As we finish this year together let’s hold tight to God’s light and love. There is so much uncertainty in our world right now. All eyes must be focused on Him. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“ I’m so grateful for His Word and equally thankful for each of you on this journey with me.

The last month has been one of many retrospective thoughts for me. It’s honestly been a month of great healing opportunities. During these times we get to see just how far we’ve come on our healing journey.

I recently went to see “It Ends With Us” at the movies. Colleen Hoover is one of my favorite authors. She wrote a two-book series about the events that her mother went through with her father being abusive. Of course, I’ve read the two books, and I won’t lie I was definitely triggered while reading them both. Watching on the big screen I was still triggered but it was more of an empathy trigger instead of reliving my own horrid past. This, my friends is where we know we are healing those past traumas when the triggers become different or not at all.

The past is in the past and should stay there but there are times when we do need to revisit and see where we could have acted on the issue or changed our perspective. I realized this going back into the issues of my last relationship and analyzing my part in the unhappy ending. I went back into my journal and reread harsh truths that I didn’t act on. In essence, I was as much to blame as anyone else. I realized that I didn’t act because I didn’t want it to be true. This was totally a codependent issue. I read in black and white what I was upset over and how it hurt me but yet after talking it out with the other person there was no change in behavior. At least I did that part right. But what I didn’t do is stand my ground on that boundary. Nevertheless, the relationship ended, and I should’ve done that myself two months prior, but I didn’t. Lesson learned checked off the box on that one. Again, this shows growth even though I didn’t like to see where I went wrong. But it is so very necessary to evaluate and analyze your part in any relationship. My boundaries are more solid. I’ve become much better at the “you do you boo” concept. No more bare minimum situations for me.

And then I had an unexpected apology from someone I knew over forty years ago. I really don’t know if he understood how much that meant to me. He’s the only man that ever apologized to me for any wrongdoing. Let that sink in. No man I’ve been with has ever apologized. Well, I guess that tells you the type of men I’ve allowed in my life. That is the main reason for going back and healing all those many layers of hurt and damage. Without the deep healing we will continue to allow toxic and narcissistic people in our lives. Just remember that healing is not linear and there will be times that you feel lost. That’s ok. We have a perfect guide in our Heavenly Father. I’m so grateful for how far I’ve come on this journey and hopefully you have as well. Stay the course my friends, you’ve got this.

As always friends, thank you for being with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Have ya’ll ever had those weird feelings that start in the pit of your stomach? Well during my healing journey, I have increasingly noticed these feelings and shifts in energy around me. I do believe that my intuition and abilities to read energy have heightened since this journey started. So, as I went back and looked at different situations in my past boom I could remember when something shifted, or I did get that funny feeling but being trauma bonded I would ignore it. I know for a fact that we hurt our own hearts by ignoring these pieces of important information. It’s when our senses react to a situation and deep down, we know it’s not right or it doesn’t settle with our soul. I’ve learned that I can walk into a room and feel energy. Good, bad, calming, or otherwise. My stomach turns on negative energy and I have to go.

My intuition is more of an instinctive feeling than conscious reasoning. And what’s more, I believe it’s a gift from God. After all, He did save me and has been by my side through it all, and is now cheering me on this healing journey. Now don’t confuse intuition with the Holy Spirit although similar, the Holy Spirit is different because He works above our physical senses and points us to a peace that can only come from God which for me is more of steering me onto the right path of God’s will for my life. Intuition is a feeling or a hint.

In all of my previous relationships, I have sensed when the energy was off or had that feeling that something wasn’t right. This is so important to feel, know, and act on instead of dismissing whatever feeling you may be having. If you have a partner that is willing to discuss this with you, that’s great. You two can easily communicate these feelings and possibly iron out any issues you may be having as a couple. I was not so lucky to have this in most of my relationships due to them being one sided. With that being said looking for a partner who will be willing to communicate and work things out is a definite winner in my opinion. Because let’s face it empaths and overthinkers can overthink situations to death and the easy resolve is to discuss and correct the line of thinking if it is indeed wrong thinking. A while back I knew something was off and addressed it, but it was never truly communicated and corrected. This left me feeling anxious, worried, and unloved at times. Needless to say, it didn’t end well. At times in the past, I’ve not listened to my intuition or the Holy Spirit. It’s so crucial for your well-being to really first of all know yourself and then to listen to what both the Holy Spirit and your intuition is trying to tell you.

As always, I’m so very grateful that you are with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

Hello sweet friends. The transition into my new job position has been a good one. I’ve met some wonderful people, and they have all helped and encouraged me daily. Not as scary as I thought it would be, but all the changes triggered some anxiety. This of course is normal, I mean I did leave a job with so many friends, and luckily, I’m making new ones.

In this process, I have been inundated with forgiveness posts, devotions, thoughts, and even a word from my pastor. Along with these words and thoughts were also folks around me trying to forgive others. I sat with these and realized all my folks that I’ve been forgiving were definite patterns in my past and present. That has been a hard pill to swallow. For myself, the ones who hurt me the most of course have been those I have loved. These folks aren’t so easy to forgive and be done. Wipe your hands off and move to the next one. Nope, not that easy. I forgive daily because I need God to help me forgive them totally. For myself, I want to have peace in my heart that only comes from laying down all that hurt, pain, and sometimes even bitterness. I mean we are told to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. Don’t quote this number but I was told in college that forgiveness is mentioned 49 times in the New Testament. Obviously, this is an important part of our faith and calling from God. Obedience to God is one of my main reasons for forgiveness but my mind, body, and peace are also a huge reason for my daily forgiving. Don’t get me wrong here, sometimes I slack and feel more contempt than other times, and believe me my list has grown daily as well. The daily “Lord please help me forgive ……..” has grown. I do believe that even if we have to make a daily request for help for this it is freeing us from holding onto the pain and possible bitterness in our hearts. I also believe that without this act of forgiveness, we won’t move into God’s perfect will for us. We have to let go of what was to be able to grasp what is ahead for us in His plan. Last week I made a video where I wrote, “Today, I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized or because you acknowledged the pain you caused but because my soul deserves peace”. This statement really says it all. Most of the people in my life that I have to forgive daily I will never have closure from. And that’s ok. God is my closure. Every day He reminds me that I’m His, He’s working for my good and my hope for a brighter future. Maybe one day that list will be shorter. Maybe one day the hurts won’t hurt anymore. Until then I’m on this healing journey with God and you folks. I’m grateful for all of you being on this journey with me. Blessings until the next time.