Our Rising Hope

How’s it going, my friends? Has it been a rough few weeks? I’ll be honest the enemy has been hitting me pretty hard the last month. I found myself mully grubbing, ungrateful, tired, and completely worn slap out. And over the last week or so I’ve talked with so many others who were feeling the same “stuckness” and some that have had heartbreaks one after another.  Our world has definitely seen better days. The enemy prowls all around us and the goal is to wear us down so we don’t feel like praying, praising, or feeling gratitude.

I knew I was going to write today, planned it all out, prayed about it, and figured I would write about gratitude and when I went to church today well, I got my confirmation that gratitude and praise is exactly what I should write about. See, we can have the absolute worst day and still find something no matter how small it may be to be grateful for and to praise His goodness for our lives. And I’m preaching to myself here folks. Because I have written here before about how grateful I truly am. I have everything in the world to be thankful for. I am truly grateful for everything that has transpired in my life no matter how bad or ugly God rescued me from it and gave me a new purpose in my life. My pastor mentioned Paul in his message and Paul’s writing in the Bible has always been my favorite because look at what God did in his life. He took a murderer and changed his life and heart. Paul wrote most of the New Testament and he was in dire situations in most of these writings. Paul spoke of a “thorn in his side” and he asked God to remove this thorn. God replied, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. Right here!!!! No matter how pissy we are and no matter the terrible day we’ve had His grace is sufficient for us. Let’s take it a bit further, over the last few weeks I’ve had nightmares of my past. I was raped thirty-five years ago on Halloween. Even though that man is no longer alive to hurt me I sometimes dream about it. Those dreams lead to the onslaught of the rest of my shortcomings, issues, and bad relationships, the guilt of not healing earlier for my kids, and the list goes on and on. That’s where the enemy wanted me. But I didn’t stay there. I started telling God how much I’m grateful for it all and I truly mean it. I’m grateful for every wrong direction, bad decision, every bad thing that was ever said or done to me. Why? Because He turned it all into a testimony, a survivor’s story. Without all the darkness I couldn’t know the light now. It all made me who I am right now. I’ve met some of the most beautiful and wonderful people in my healing journey. I’m so grateful for each of them and I pray that I get to meet even more. Without healing, I wouldn’t have these wonderful people.  Just as our past shapes our lives, praise and gratitude do the same, changing our perspectives and molding our attitudes into one of thankfulness and love.

I’m ever so grateful for you on this healing journey with me. Praying for blessings until the next time.

Here we are with three months left in 2024, how will you finish this year? I pray that we all finish these months well and safely. I’m still working on my goals for this year one being Our Rising Hope, LLC life coaching services. If you are a frequent visitor to this page, you’ve seen the additional information about my life coaching services. Although not officially official, it’s getting there one step at a time. I hope to have all pieces of this puzzle complete by the end of the year. Of course, there’s the usual I want to lose 20 pounds and make endless lists for the holiday to dos. Yes, all that is on my list and of course to continue shining a light on abuses and healing. While that’s a hefty list of to-dos before the end of the year one more item has to be placed on their and that’s to continue to heal and grow.

Since October is known for Domestic Violence Month let’s revisit this a bit. A person will usually allow the abuser back into their lives an average of seven times. Seven times is one time too many. I was a blessed woman to have survived but some don’t survive. It’s imperative to heal after these relationships because if not that will be the exact relationship you get into again. Repeatedly, if not healed.

There are several types of abuse such as physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, and verbal. I have endured them all. And with God’s great mercy and love, I survived them all. Our God is greater than anything we’ve done or have had done to us! He’s rescued me from every bad decision, and poor choice, and despite all my shortcomings He’s loved me and never left my side. If today you are reading this and are in an abusive relationship, God’s with you too. There’s help in our communities that can and will protect you and your children.  

Here are some ways that we can prevent these situations in our lives. Boundaries are key here.

• Valuing my opinions
• Not compromising my personal values
• Knowing my personal needs and wants and actually communicating them.
• Saying no instead of yes, all the time.
• Staying focused on my personal growth and healing
• Trusting my decisions
• Not allowing others to deter my direction on those decisions
• Know who I am and what I want
• Keeping track of red flags instead of ignoring them.

Being healed before entering into new relationships, not hopping from one to another person unhealed will ensure that you are in the relationship for the right reasons, and with boundaries in place you will be on alert if those boundaries are being sidestepped.

Having an accountability person to meet or be around this new person in your life. Going slow and getting to know the other person on all levels before moving forward. Have real conversations on topics and see where this person is on topics like religion, politics, family life, their healing, and past relationships. If the boundaries are not honored and you see red flags, STOP talking and seeing this person. These are all ways to ensure that you are not setting yourself up for another abusive relationship.

Also, remember that if you do have a family member or friend in these situations you can be supportive and love them although they might not get away from their abuser. This will only happen when they are ready, you can’t force them because they will resist and shut you out. I did this myself.

Please don’t lose hope! There is healing, happiness, and a joyful life after abuse! All things are possible with our God! I seriously had no idea what my life would be like until I started intentionally healing and now, I look forward to what God has in store for me with each new day. I’m so grateful for my continued healing and thriving.

As we finish this year together let’s hold tight to God’s light and love. There is so much uncertainty in our world right now. All eyes must be focused on Him. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“ I’m so grateful for His Word and equally thankful for each of you on this journey with me.

The last month has been one of many retrospective thoughts for me. It’s honestly been a month of great healing opportunities. During these times we get to see just how far we’ve come on our healing journey.

I recently went to see “It Ends With Us” at the movies. Colleen Hoover is one of my favorite authors. She wrote a two-book series about the events that her mother went through with her father being abusive. Of course, I’ve read the two books, and I won’t lie I was definitely triggered while reading them both. Watching on the big screen I was still triggered but it was more of an empathy trigger instead of reliving my own horrid past. This, my friends is where we know we are healing those past traumas when the triggers become different or not at all.

The past is in the past and should stay there but there are times when we do need to revisit and see where we could have acted on the issue or changed our perspective. I realized this going back into the issues of my last relationship and analyzing my part in the unhappy ending. I went back into my journal and reread harsh truths that I didn’t act on. In essence, I was as much to blame as anyone else. I realized that I didn’t act because I didn’t want it to be true. This was totally a codependent issue. I read in black and white what I was upset over and how it hurt me but yet after talking it out with the other person there was no change in behavior. At least I did that part right. But what I didn’t do is stand my ground on that boundary. Nevertheless, the relationship ended, and I should’ve done that myself two months prior, but I didn’t. Lesson learned checked off the box on that one. Again, this shows growth even though I didn’t like to see where I went wrong. But it is so very necessary to evaluate and analyze your part in any relationship. My boundaries are more solid. I’ve become much better at the “you do you boo” concept. No more bare minimum situations for me.

And then I had an unexpected apology from someone I knew over forty years ago. I really don’t know if he understood how much that meant to me. He’s the only man that ever apologized to me for any wrongdoing. Let that sink in. No man I’ve been with has ever apologized. Well, I guess that tells you the type of men I’ve allowed in my life. That is the main reason for going back and healing all those many layers of hurt and damage. Without the deep healing we will continue to allow toxic and narcissistic people in our lives. Just remember that healing is not linear and there will be times that you feel lost. That’s ok. We have a perfect guide in our Heavenly Father. I’m so grateful for how far I’ve come on this journey and hopefully you have as well. Stay the course my friends, you’ve got this.

As always friends, thank you for being with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Have ya’ll ever had those weird feelings that start in the pit of your stomach? Well during my healing journey, I have increasingly noticed these feelings and shifts in energy around me. I do believe that my intuition and abilities to read energy have heightened since this journey started. So, as I went back and looked at different situations in my past boom I could remember when something shifted, or I did get that funny feeling but being trauma bonded I would ignore it. I know for a fact that we hurt our own hearts by ignoring these pieces of important information. It’s when our senses react to a situation and deep down, we know it’s not right or it doesn’t settle with our soul. I’ve learned that I can walk into a room and feel energy. Good, bad, calming, or otherwise. My stomach turns on negative energy and I have to go.

My intuition is more of an instinctive feeling than conscious reasoning. And what’s more, I believe it’s a gift from God. After all, He did save me and has been by my side through it all, and is now cheering me on this healing journey. Now don’t confuse intuition with the Holy Spirit although similar, the Holy Spirit is different because He works above our physical senses and points us to a peace that can only come from God which for me is more of steering me onto the right path of God’s will for my life. Intuition is a feeling or a hint.

In all of my previous relationships, I have sensed when the energy was off or had that feeling that something wasn’t right. This is so important to feel, know, and act on instead of dismissing whatever feeling you may be having. If you have a partner that is willing to discuss this with you, that’s great. You two can easily communicate these feelings and possibly iron out any issues you may be having as a couple. I was not so lucky to have this in most of my relationships due to them being one sided. With that being said looking for a partner who will be willing to communicate and work things out is a definite winner in my opinion. Because let’s face it empaths and overthinkers can overthink situations to death and the easy resolve is to discuss and correct the line of thinking if it is indeed wrong thinking. A while back I knew something was off and addressed it, but it was never truly communicated and corrected. This left me feeling anxious, worried, and unloved at times. Needless to say, it didn’t end well. At times in the past, I’ve not listened to my intuition or the Holy Spirit. It’s so crucial for your well-being to really first of all know yourself and then to listen to what both the Holy Spirit and your intuition is trying to tell you.

As always, I’m so very grateful that you are with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

Hello sweet friends. The transition into my new job position has been a good one. I’ve met some wonderful people, and they have all helped and encouraged me daily. Not as scary as I thought it would be, but all the changes triggered some anxiety. This of course is normal, I mean I did leave a job with so many friends, and luckily, I’m making new ones.

In this process, I have been inundated with forgiveness posts, devotions, thoughts, and even a word from my pastor. Along with these words and thoughts were also folks around me trying to forgive others. I sat with these and realized all my folks that I’ve been forgiving were definite patterns in my past and present. That has been a hard pill to swallow. For myself, the ones who hurt me the most of course have been those I have loved. These folks aren’t so easy to forgive and be done. Wipe your hands off and move to the next one. Nope, not that easy. I forgive daily because I need God to help me forgive them totally. For myself, I want to have peace in my heart that only comes from laying down all that hurt, pain, and sometimes even bitterness. I mean we are told to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. Don’t quote this number but I was told in college that forgiveness is mentioned 49 times in the New Testament. Obviously, this is an important part of our faith and calling from God. Obedience to God is one of my main reasons for forgiveness but my mind, body, and peace are also a huge reason for my daily forgiving. Don’t get me wrong here, sometimes I slack and feel more contempt than other times, and believe me my list has grown daily as well. The daily “Lord please help me forgive ……..” has grown. I do believe that even if we have to make a daily request for help for this it is freeing us from holding onto the pain and possible bitterness in our hearts. I also believe that without this act of forgiveness, we won’t move into God’s perfect will for us. We have to let go of what was to be able to grasp what is ahead for us in His plan. Last week I made a video where I wrote, “Today, I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized or because you acknowledged the pain you caused but because my soul deserves peace”. This statement really says it all. Most of the people in my life that I have to forgive daily I will never have closure from. And that’s ok. God is my closure. Every day He reminds me that I’m His, He’s working for my good and my hope for a brighter future. Maybe one day that list will be shorter. Maybe one day the hurts won’t hurt anymore. Until then I’m on this healing journey with God and you folks. I’m grateful for all of you being on this journey with me. Blessings until the next time.

Hello sweet friends! It’s been a while I know. Sometimes God blocks our abilities in order to sit with Him and allow Him to fill and strengthen us. He’s done just that. He showed up and showed out. See, back in April I wrote to you about being in the in-betweenness in my life. I abruptly decided that the job I had planned to move into was not what I wanted after all. I began the search for what I really wanted to do. It’s hard for me because what I really want to do is to write, make videos, and help folks. Unfortunately, that won’t pay the bills. I also had to pour my focus on the job search and pull back on my dream of having a life coach business. Although it’s almost ready I had to focus on my main source of income.

On May 31^st, I left many wonderful friends and will walk into a position where I know no one. Yep, a tad scary but God was in this all the way. In the beginning, all I received was one rejection after another, and in the end, I had several offers on the table. I constantly prayed that I be placed somewhere in His will for my life. A few weeks ago, my pastor gave a message on Joshua 4: 1-4, where he discussed marking and remembering what God has done in our lives just as Joshua had gathered the 12 men from the tribes and asked them to mark by stones the end of their journey across the Jordan River into the Promise Land. The key here is the men were to pick up the stones from the middle of the Jordan and carry them to the end.  In the middle or as I’ve been in the in-betweens of my life lately I too, have picked up God’s messages of goodness and am carrying them into my journey as well.  This passage of Joshua came back up on May 31st in one of my daily devotions. Yes, it is another reminder of telling and marking God’s goodness and provisions. When asked how we made changes, healed, or overcame our obstacles we are to tell all about everything He’s done for us.  Just like Joshua, we need to remember. Lives are filled with anxiety, bad circumstances, relationships, job changes, and all the other madness of our world lately, but if we remember what God has done before it’s easier to trust even, if we are fighting for our own control. All we are in our lives are walking talking witnesses of God’s daily mercies of goodness. I’m not going to lie here; I have been worried and terrified of this change in my life but although I knew God was right next to me showing me the path I couldn’t give Him full control for long at a time. But God…..I had to let go of all control and allow Him to be God. God is good, ever-present, and I’m so grateful He loves me to guide, direct, and provide my needs. Grateful that I am on this healing journey with you. I can’t wait to see what He does next!

Hello friends, a word that has been on my mind this week is rejection. Rejection comes in so many forms, it stings no matter the form it presents itself, nonetheless. None of us are immune to rejection either. Rejection as a child whether it was on the playground or at home. Rejection from a loved one in later years. Rejection in our relationships. Rejection in our careers. Friendship rejection. See it’s truly everywhere. Its definition uses words such as refusing and dismissing. Those words feel scorning and abrasive. Rejection can leave deep scars on us if we don’t heal those wounds.

I was recently out with a wonderful friend of mine and as we were talking and catching up, we were talking about our past rejections and how they had led us to cross paths. I’m very grateful for all the friends I’ve met on this healing journey and some I would have never met if I had not been rejected and hurt much less decided to heal in the manner I have. The next word I thought of as we were talking was gratitude. Gosh, sometimes it’s really hard to feel gratitude for the rejection and hurts. But when we have a God that is bigger than all of our problems and rejections, we can then say that those rejections were His redirections.

See our Father in Heaven sees the bigger pieces of the life puzzles we are and wants the absolute very best for us.  These divine interventions that we call rejections are His loving hand redirecting our path for our GOOD. The sting of rejection of a loved one, a job interview, or friends falling aside this happened because this wasn’t your path any longer. He saw something that wasn’t right for you and because He loves us so much, He only wants the very best for His children.

So today I challenge my readers to be grateful for the rejection. Just know that rejection is a God redirection, and He knows best. We may never know why, but that’s ok, feel secure in His redirection.

Thank you for being with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

This month is surely flying by. Easter totally snuck up on me this time. I was recently asked to give a lesson at our Celebrate Recover, little did I know that the lesson was for me as well. Isn’t that the way it goes though? We had covered lessons on admit and ready, and I felt that before we went into the next lesson, which is on victory, we needed to concentrate on something vital to move into victory.

We all have traumas and damage in our past, that’s how we ended up in recovery. I know that all our experiences are different, but we all have a few things in common. Such as if we don’t go back and heal our past traumas, we will end up bleeding them on someone else. I say this because it’s so easy to fall back into patterns that lead us into other areas that easily put us back into our addictions. We are all one decision away from a relapse. It’s the nature of the beast to fall back into what we are comfortable with even if it’s the worst possible thing or idea for us. My example in this is that on my birthday after my divorce which was about seven months give or take after the divorce.  My ex knocked on my door saying he had mail for me and claiming he was sorry for everything he had done. Well, if I had not been healing, educating myself on these behaviors, and staying in God’s word I most likely would have believed those lies he was selling. See it’s our job to put in the work it takes to peel back every layer of hurt with God’s love and mercies, educate ourselves, love who we find underneath those layers, believe what God says about us, and allow God to lead us down that healing journey. I am all about this I know you guys see the TikToks I make and put on all the social media platforms, much less here. It’s so important on all levels of your life to commit to truly healing and laying down those bags of hurts you’ve been carrying. 

Another reason to heal properly is that whoever is in your future gets the best of YOU.  Without healing and dealing with the damage your relationship can’t grow and mature because there will be some serious issues, I can promise you. Or because you haven’t dealt with what you needed to you end up in another bad relationship because let’s face it, we continue to fall for those questionable people because we don’t love ourselves enough to have strong boundaries.

Another great reason is that it is inevitable that we will have triggers and if we aren’t careful, we will fall into the old habits which may lead to relapse. We not only need to voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in our lives it’s crucial to also voluntarily submit to God to know and believe what He says about our inner selves. His love, His purpose for our lives, hurts, pain, and all the unspoken broken parts of us. Folks His love moves mountains and conquers all for the good of us.

Do you believe what God says about you? Do you doubt the goodness and promises of His Word?

If we know who we are in Christ then we should love ourselves enough to heal our deepest wounds, hurts, and habits so our future is filled with all the goodness He has to offer.

• John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
• Romans 8:37-39 – No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
• 1 John 3:1 – See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

He wants the very best for us because He loves us sooo much. He loves us when we don’t love ourselves so isn’t it time that we take care of who He’s loved and made, ourselves? It’s time to peel back the layers and heal each wound from the past and the best part of this is that we don’t do it alone. He, our heavenly Father, is right there with us every step of the way.

And this brings me to where I am currently in all this. I have been on this healing journey for almost 3 years. I love who I am and who God says I am but there are times that I don’t have the faith I need to move forward without fear. I found myself this week in all the feels and emotions and I know the enemy was doing his best to make me fearful. I am in limbo in every area of my life right now and you know that’s ok. I’m in between jobs currently, and making a dream come true (more on this very soon, I promise). It’s in all the in-betweens that we see our fears. But they don’t have to overtake us if we truly have faith. The same God who formed us loves us and is by us will never and I mean never let us down.

I realized last Monday night that I needed those scriptures and reminders of His love. I managed to do the lesson without too much nervousness. I like to write not speak in public. I challenge my readers today with this. Is there anything you need to go back to and heal to ensure your victory? Do you have a personal relationship with God? If not, let’s make sure you get that and start your healing journey to a better you and an even better relationship with God. The victory ahead of us is paved with God’s mercies, grace, provision, and His great love for all of us.

As always, thank you for being here with me on this healing journey. Praying for blessings until the next time.

Happy March friends! One of the things that has been requested for me to write about is when a person is ready to date again after being in an abusive relationship.  I touched briefly on this in the last post. It’s only natural that when we’ve finally found ourselves and begin loving ourselves, we want to venture back into the dating world. That’s a biggie there. So, when is a good time in this healing journey? Well, I will tell you that we never completely “finish” healing. There is always something that shows up from our past that may need to be addressed. But hopefully, those are fewer and farther between as we are on our journey. For me, I wanted companionship, but I also wanted my peace, quietness, and above all my boundaries.

Dating again requires learning and unlearning your own relationship behaviors as well as being able to identify any toxic behaviors in others. I prayed before entering the dating world. I prayed that anyone who didn’t need to be in my life that God would reveal so. I also knew beforehand what I would say if my boundaries were disrespected.  Of course, if you’ve done your work, you will expect who you’re talking with to have done the same. We get to a certain age and realize that you will no doubt be dating someone who has been married before, usually with children. Hopefully, this potential date has done their work like you have but I will be honest here, most have not, and you will recognize this and not want to date this person. That’s the advantage of totally immersing yourself in your healing and providing the time and energy to do so. This enables you to recognize the toxic behaviors and concentrate on healthy relationship attributes. Because let’s face it if you’ve done your work then you are not showing up as the codependent people pleaser ready to get into a serious relationship on the first date. Since you are emotionally self-aware that’s exactly what you are looking for, not only self-awareness but emotional maturity as well. Also, if you’ve done your work you will want to be happy with yourself by yourself. In other words, I love my life as a single woman. I don’t need a man to complete me in any form or fashion. If you can’t add value to my life, then just go on about yourself.  I literally treated dating as a job interview. I had a list of criteria, boundaries of course, and requirements. If during the initial talking, I felt an inkling of low self-esteem, no self-awareness, and they had done no work on themselves, or anything that didn’t meet my requirements then I took myself out of the conversation.  Especially if they tried to cross any boundaries. Like whew, that was a BIG NO THANK YOU! 

Another huge issue for folks dating after abusive relationships often depending on what type of abuse there was in that relationship or previously is trust. This is where if you are lucky enough to find someone you feel safe with your friendship/relationship moves slowly. I mean slow as a snail. You want to address any triggers in yourself, and the slowness helps ensure your awareness of these if they occur also if the other person is truly right for you, they will certainly understand your slower process in dating. I had to trust myself much less the person I dated. This is a huge factor in dating. Most of all know your worth. Love who you are. Never settle. I don’t know about you, but I’ve worked too hard to find myself to go backwards in this journey. I can’t stress enough that if dating is what you want to do that you do this safely.

Please feel free to email me on this site or message me on whatever social media site you prefer with any questions or requests you may have for me to write about. I enjoy getting requests. As always, thank you for being here with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Since it’s the week of Valentine’s Day I thought I would answer some questions I’ve had on love bombing. Let’s start with what love bombing actually means. Love bombing is a pattern of behavior that is overly affectionate which typically occurs at the beginning of a relationship, most often a romantic one, where a person “bombs” the other with over-the-top displays of adoration and attention. It is a type of emotional abuse where someone uses grand gestures to manipulate another person. Love bombing is used to make a friend, partner, or loved one dependent on them so they can control the relationship and move into this relationship at a very fast pace. Love bombing is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves a person going above and beyond for you in an effort to manipulate you into a relationship with them.

Some of the signs of love bombing are:

They lavish you with gifts, especially inappropriate or extravagant ones, and don’t take no for an answer.

They bombard you with phone calls, texts, and messages over social media 24/7, and will become angry or needy if you don’t respond right away.

They can’t stop complimenting you and expressing their undying love for you, even if you barely know each other.

They want your undivided attention and demand commitment early in the relationship, often using phrases like “soulmate” or “the one”.

Your boundaries are immediately disrespected, and they will eventually try to isolate you from your family and friends or get jealous when you spend time with other people.

If you recognize some of these signs, it doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is toxic, but listen to your intuition if the person trying to pursue you seems too good to be true. I know firsthand how harmful love bombing can be to your mental and emotional health, and it can make it harder to leave an abusive relationship.

This is all along with them rushing you into a relationship disregarding all boundaries and personal space. I will say here that this has been the forefront of all my toxic relationships.

Being healed and setting boundaries is a huge factor in not being manipulated in these types of relationships. Anytime you feel those boundaries threatened or feel rushed stop and take a break from the person. If they can’t give you your time, then you know for sure it’s a toxic environment. Usually, and I’m speaking from experience, you will know in just a few conversations if this person is toxic and may be a potential threat to you. That is of course, if you have solid boundaries. I decided that expectations were no longer a “thing” in my life, and I now have requirements. Expectations are things hoped for whereas requirements are necessities. Basically, stating that I will be respected, my boundaries will be respected, and I require honesty and loyalty. Your requirements may be different than mine. I once begged for the bare minimum which I will never do again. These requirements are strongly held in place and if someone wishes to be a part of my life, they either meet these or I don’t have them in my life. That’s the key, as unhealed codependent people pleasers we fear loneliness and will do absolutely anything to keep someone interested.  And this is exactly where we can be “love-bombed” and manipulated into thinking this person loves us deeply and is a partner all the while rushing into a toxic relationship.

I pray for those in these relationships who believe that if they are “better” or “do” more the person they’re with will be that once wonderful and loving person. That was all a lie. You will never see that man or woman again. It was all part of the manipulation phase. 

This is what I did when I started dating again and I do believe that it is sound advice. Talk to the person for a while before going out on a date. Talk about real-life issues such as religion, the Bible, family issues, work habits, politics, and world issues, what happened with their previous relationship or relationships, and basically talk about their life philosophy. Do they have a positive attitude, outgoing, shy, good conversationalist, etc? This really worked for me, and I was able to tell if they were the least toxic or manipulative. I called it my narc checklist. If they wanted to rush me, I just wouldn’t talk anymore much less go out on a date. I mean why bother if they were going to cross my boundaries. Hint here…it’s also very helpful to know what you want or what you’re looking for, what you won’t settle for again, and most importantly what you won’t tolerate again.

As always, I’m so glad you are with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.