Our Rising Hope

Hello sweet friends! I sure hope you all are doing well and you’re ready for spring. I know I sure am. I have had lots on this mind lately. For instance, why do we stay in relationships, positions, friendships longer than we should? Yeah, this stepped on my own toes. I’ve been guilty of this too many times to count.  I mean let’s face it our intuition tells us it doesn’t feel right no matter the circumstance. Is it out of loyalty or codependence? I’ve in the past stayed at a job even though I felt that it was time to move on. Part of that for myself is fear. It’s looked at as loyalty, but it’s truly rooted in codependence. Same thing for relationships and friendships. Let’s dig a bit deeper here for a minute.

Loyalty and codependency are related but very different. Loyalty comes from a place of an emotional stance where you have strong allegiance or feeling of support while codependency is rooted in anxiety and control. Codependency strives to fill voids in the self through another person, place, or thing. Whereas loyalty comes from the emotional side of strong feelings. We are loyal to our jobs, friends, and partners and that’s healthy but when it crosses the line of your own emotional state that’s when it’s no longer healthy. Such as staying in a toxic relationship. If it no longer brings peace and only strife and that intuition is saying it’s time to remove yourself. Take the step to remove yourself. That’s part of my boundaries in any circumstance. If it no longer brings peace to me, it’s time to move on. Life is way too short to spend time wasted where you don’t belong, you no longer feel peace, or there’s true distress in your life due to this circumstance. This means a job, a friend, a partner, or any other affiliation.

It’s really easy to tell yourself you’re being loyal out of your love or allegiance. Just dig deep within yourself and make sure the codependency isn’t the reason behind it. It’s easier for me now to move forward even when I don’t want to. I certainly don’t want to waste any more of my precious time here on earth being codependent. What about you?

I hope that your healing journey is going well. We all have our days. Don’t get discouraged. Just keep moving forward day by day. Our Heavenly Father is always there with us cheering us onward and by our sides.

I’m so grateful for you here with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Hello friends,

Microsoft has had me in limbo again for the last few days. It’s so frustrating. I almost feel like the enemy doesn’t want this word to be seen. Well let’s get into it. Perception has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m sure you all have been perceived as someone you’re not or even in a bad light. It’s pretty amazing that some can see you as a wonderful, spirited person and others perceive a more negative light. This is frustrating to your mind and soul. Being a past people pleaser this always ended up with me changing into someone else to suit those perceptions formed. In my healing, I’ve learned that you cannot please everyone. Even the best intentions are sometimes viewed negatively. “Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.” Coach Bobbi. Let’s be honest here why do we allow someone’s opinion of us even bother us? Within that context, let’s dig into those words of Coach Bobbi. The way your mind perceives those around you is directly a consequence of what makes you who you are. In other words, we all have a perception that has been formed due to the values, experiences, and thinking that are entirely different from our own. Going a step farther, depending on the other person’s very thought process or experience in that moment you can be perceived in a different light from their immediate circumstances. This means that if they are perceiving you in a negative image they very well may have a negative energy within themselves. This is where your good and true intentions towards people in general will always win. I’ve been told that my smile lights up a room and that my “light” shines through and by others that I’m rude or negative. That’s ok. Sometimes the dark likes to extinguish the light. But if your intentions are pure nothing can extinguish the light.

I’ve said all that to say this, we in recovery, whether it’s codependency, bad marriages, alcohol, narcotics, or whatever it may be you are recovering from may have the best and purest intentions and still be seen in a negative manner. We know where we’ve come from in our struggles, we also know how those trials and struggles have changed our hearts and minds. What’s more important is that God knows. He knows your heart of hearts and knows that the struggles you’ve endured have purified your minds and hearts to be better than the day before, to become filled with passion for Him and His kingdom and to love those in His kingdom. Not everyone will see those battle scars because of their own hurt and pain. Not everyone will see the love and kindness you have for them. Keep showing up and keep loving. Light this dark and negative world up with His light and love and use the gifts He has given you. A song just came to mind. “God Only Knows” by for King and Country. “God only knows what you’ve been through. God only knows what they say about you…But there’s a kind of love that God only knows.”

My healing started when I allowed God control. And that’s the only way it’s continued. I’m not so concerned about the perceptions of others that know nothing about me and this heart of mine. I’m more concerned about what God says and knows about me and about my heart that I ask daily to be filled with Him and for me to not be seen but only Him shine through to those I come into contact with.

No matter your past or battles you’ve endured, you have a light and a testimony to share with those around you. Don’t let negative perceptions stand in your way. Stand up my friends and light this world with His love. As always, I’m so grateful for you with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Merry Christmas friends! I’ve had a bit of bad luck with Microsoft lately. It appears that someone hijacked one of my email addresses and it’s taken some time to get this issue corrected. At any rate here I am again. This is just one of the many inconveniences lately. The enemy has definitely tried to take me down a notch or two for the last few months but you know that you and I serve a much bigger God and He always is there for me and YOU!

During this time of year I see so many hurting, lonely, and unhappy people. I urge you all to be kind to everyone you meet. You may very well be the only light they have this holiday season. Kindness goes a long way for everyone. So many people have lost their loved ones and barely making it through this new season without them. Also be careful of those toxic people you’ve worked so hard to heal from that they don’t cross those boundaries you’ve set. I guess what I’m saying is don’t get caught up in your loneliness and willingly allow toxicity back into your life. Toxic or narcissistic people will definitely try to come back to you when they think you’re at a low point only to discard you all over again. They beg, fake apologize, use guilt, or shame, and usually make empty promises. Guard your heart and mind and above all remember that it’s better to be alone than alone in a toxic nightmare relationship.

I have followers and friends that are still in their toxic relationships and my heart truly breaks for what they endure. I have a special request if you’re reading this today, pray for those who are in abusive relationships, or struggling in recovery. This time of year is not so merry and bright for everyone, especially in those situations.

Thank you for being here with me on this wonderful healing journey. Merry Christmas! Blessings until the next time.

How’s it going, my friends? Has it been a rough few weeks? I’ll be honest the enemy has been hitting me pretty hard the last month. I found myself mully grubbing, ungrateful, tired, and completely worn slap out. And over the last week or so I’ve talked with so many others who were feeling the same “stuckness” and some that have had heartbreaks one after another.  Our world has definitely seen better days. The enemy prowls all around us and the goal is to wear us down so we don’t feel like praying, praising, or feeling gratitude.

I knew I was going to write today, planned it all out, prayed about it, and figured I would write about gratitude and when I went to church today well, I got my confirmation that gratitude and praise is exactly what I should write about. See, we can have the absolute worst day and still find something no matter how small it may be to be grateful for and to praise His goodness for our lives. And I’m preaching to myself here folks. Because I have written here before about how grateful I truly am. I have everything in the world to be thankful for. I am truly grateful for everything that has transpired in my life no matter how bad or ugly God rescued me from it and gave me a new purpose in my life. My pastor mentioned Paul in his message and Paul’s writing in the Bible has always been my favorite because look at what God did in his life. He took a murderer and changed his life and heart. Paul wrote most of the New Testament and he was in dire situations in most of these writings. Paul spoke of a “thorn in his side” and he asked God to remove this thorn. God replied, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. Right here!!!! No matter how pissy we are and no matter the terrible day we’ve had His grace is sufficient for us. Let’s take it a bit further, over the last few weeks I’ve had nightmares of my past. I was raped thirty-five years ago on Halloween. Even though that man is no longer alive to hurt me I sometimes dream about it. Those dreams lead to the onslaught of the rest of my shortcomings, issues, and bad relationships, the guilt of not healing earlier for my kids, and the list goes on and on. That’s where the enemy wanted me. But I didn’t stay there. I started telling God how much I’m grateful for it all and I truly mean it. I’m grateful for every wrong direction, bad decision, every bad thing that was ever said or done to me. Why? Because He turned it all into a testimony, a survivor’s story. Without all the darkness I couldn’t know the light now. It all made me who I am right now. I’ve met some of the most beautiful and wonderful people in my healing journey. I’m so grateful for each of them and I pray that I get to meet even more. Without healing, I wouldn’t have these wonderful people.  Just as our past shapes our lives, praise and gratitude do the same, changing our perspectives and molding our attitudes into one of thankfulness and love.

I’m ever so grateful for you on this healing journey with me. Praying for blessings until the next time.

Here we are with three months left in 2024, how will you finish this year? I pray that we all finish these months well and safely. I’m still working on my goals for this year one being Our Rising Hope, LLC life coaching services. If you are a frequent visitor to this page, you’ve seen the additional information about my life coaching services. Although not officially official, it’s getting there one step at a time. I hope to have all pieces of this puzzle complete by the end of the year. Of course, there’s the usual I want to lose 20 pounds and make endless lists for the holiday to dos. Yes, all that is on my list and of course to continue shining a light on abuses and healing. While that’s a hefty list of to-dos before the end of the year one more item has to be placed on their and that’s to continue to heal and grow.

Since October is known for Domestic Violence Month let’s revisit this a bit. A person will usually allow the abuser back into their lives an average of seven times. Seven times is one time too many. I was a blessed woman to have survived but some don’t survive. It’s imperative to heal after these relationships because if not that will be the exact relationship you get into again. Repeatedly, if not healed.

There are several types of abuse such as physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, and verbal. I have endured them all. And with God’s great mercy and love, I survived them all. Our God is greater than anything we’ve done or have had done to us! He’s rescued me from every bad decision, and poor choice, and despite all my shortcomings He’s loved me and never left my side. If today you are reading this and are in an abusive relationship, God’s with you too. There’s help in our communities that can and will protect you and your children.  

Here are some ways that we can prevent these situations in our lives. Boundaries are key here.

• Valuing my opinions
• Not compromising my personal values
• Knowing my personal needs and wants and actually communicating them.
• Saying no instead of yes, all the time.
• Staying focused on my personal growth and healing
• Trusting my decisions
• Not allowing others to deter my direction on those decisions
• Know who I am and what I want
• Keeping track of red flags instead of ignoring them.

Being healed before entering into new relationships, not hopping from one to another person unhealed will ensure that you are in the relationship for the right reasons, and with boundaries in place you will be on alert if those boundaries are being sidestepped.

Having an accountability person to meet or be around this new person in your life. Going slow and getting to know the other person on all levels before moving forward. Have real conversations on topics and see where this person is on topics like religion, politics, family life, their healing, and past relationships. If the boundaries are not honored and you see red flags, STOP talking and seeing this person. These are all ways to ensure that you are not setting yourself up for another abusive relationship.

Also, remember that if you do have a family member or friend in these situations you can be supportive and love them although they might not get away from their abuser. This will only happen when they are ready, you can’t force them because they will resist and shut you out. I did this myself.

Please don’t lose hope! There is healing, happiness, and a joyful life after abuse! All things are possible with our God! I seriously had no idea what my life would be like until I started intentionally healing and now, I look forward to what God has in store for me with each new day. I’m so grateful for my continued healing and thriving.

As we finish this year together let’s hold tight to God’s light and love. There is so much uncertainty in our world right now. All eyes must be focused on Him. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“ I’m so grateful for His Word and equally thankful for each of you on this journey with me.

The last month has been one of many retrospective thoughts for me. It’s honestly been a month of great healing opportunities. During these times we get to see just how far we’ve come on our healing journey.

I recently went to see “It Ends With Us” at the movies. Colleen Hoover is one of my favorite authors. She wrote a two-book series about the events that her mother went through with her father being abusive. Of course, I’ve read the two books, and I won’t lie I was definitely triggered while reading them both. Watching on the big screen I was still triggered but it was more of an empathy trigger instead of reliving my own horrid past. This, my friends is where we know we are healing those past traumas when the triggers become different or not at all.

The past is in the past and should stay there but there are times when we do need to revisit and see where we could have acted on the issue or changed our perspective. I realized this going back into the issues of my last relationship and analyzing my part in the unhappy ending. I went back into my journal and reread harsh truths that I didn’t act on. In essence, I was as much to blame as anyone else. I realized that I didn’t act because I didn’t want it to be true. This was totally a codependent issue. I read in black and white what I was upset over and how it hurt me but yet after talking it out with the other person there was no change in behavior. At least I did that part right. But what I didn’t do is stand my ground on that boundary. Nevertheless, the relationship ended, and I should’ve done that myself two months prior, but I didn’t. Lesson learned checked off the box on that one. Again, this shows growth even though I didn’t like to see where I went wrong. But it is so very necessary to evaluate and analyze your part in any relationship. My boundaries are more solid. I’ve become much better at the “you do you boo” concept. No more bare minimum situations for me.

And then I had an unexpected apology from someone I knew over forty years ago. I really don’t know if he understood how much that meant to me. He’s the only man that ever apologized to me for any wrongdoing. Let that sink in. No man I’ve been with has ever apologized. Well, I guess that tells you the type of men I’ve allowed in my life. That is the main reason for going back and healing all those many layers of hurt and damage. Without the deep healing we will continue to allow toxic and narcissistic people in our lives. Just remember that healing is not linear and there will be times that you feel lost. That’s ok. We have a perfect guide in our Heavenly Father. I’m so grateful for how far I’ve come on this journey and hopefully you have as well. Stay the course my friends, you’ve got this.

As always friends, thank you for being with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Have ya’ll ever had those weird feelings that start in the pit of your stomach? Well during my healing journey, I have increasingly noticed these feelings and shifts in energy around me. I do believe that my intuition and abilities to read energy have heightened since this journey started. So, as I went back and looked at different situations in my past boom I could remember when something shifted, or I did get that funny feeling but being trauma bonded I would ignore it. I know for a fact that we hurt our own hearts by ignoring these pieces of important information. It’s when our senses react to a situation and deep down, we know it’s not right or it doesn’t settle with our soul. I’ve learned that I can walk into a room and feel energy. Good, bad, calming, or otherwise. My stomach turns on negative energy and I have to go.

My intuition is more of an instinctive feeling than conscious reasoning. And what’s more, I believe it’s a gift from God. After all, He did save me and has been by my side through it all, and is now cheering me on this healing journey. Now don’t confuse intuition with the Holy Spirit although similar, the Holy Spirit is different because He works above our physical senses and points us to a peace that can only come from God which for me is more of steering me onto the right path of God’s will for my life. Intuition is a feeling or a hint.

In all of my previous relationships, I have sensed when the energy was off or had that feeling that something wasn’t right. This is so important to feel, know, and act on instead of dismissing whatever feeling you may be having. If you have a partner that is willing to discuss this with you, that’s great. You two can easily communicate these feelings and possibly iron out any issues you may be having as a couple. I was not so lucky to have this in most of my relationships due to them being one sided. With that being said looking for a partner who will be willing to communicate and work things out is a definite winner in my opinion. Because let’s face it empaths and overthinkers can overthink situations to death and the easy resolve is to discuss and correct the line of thinking if it is indeed wrong thinking. A while back I knew something was off and addressed it, but it was never truly communicated and corrected. This left me feeling anxious, worried, and unloved at times. Needless to say, it didn’t end well. At times in the past, I’ve not listened to my intuition or the Holy Spirit. It’s so crucial for your well-being to really first of all know yourself and then to listen to what both the Holy Spirit and your intuition is trying to tell you.

As always, I’m so very grateful that you are with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.

Hello sweet friends. The transition into my new job position has been a good one. I’ve met some wonderful people, and they have all helped and encouraged me daily. Not as scary as I thought it would be, but all the changes triggered some anxiety. This of course is normal, I mean I did leave a job with so many friends, and luckily, I’m making new ones.

In this process, I have been inundated with forgiveness posts, devotions, thoughts, and even a word from my pastor. Along with these words and thoughts were also folks around me trying to forgive others. I sat with these and realized all my folks that I’ve been forgiving were definite patterns in my past and present. That has been a hard pill to swallow. For myself, the ones who hurt me the most of course have been those I have loved. These folks aren’t so easy to forgive and be done. Wipe your hands off and move to the next one. Nope, not that easy. I forgive daily because I need God to help me forgive them totally. For myself, I want to have peace in my heart that only comes from laying down all that hurt, pain, and sometimes even bitterness. I mean we are told to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. Don’t quote this number but I was told in college that forgiveness is mentioned 49 times in the New Testament. Obviously, this is an important part of our faith and calling from God. Obedience to God is one of my main reasons for forgiveness but my mind, body, and peace are also a huge reason for my daily forgiving. Don’t get me wrong here, sometimes I slack and feel more contempt than other times, and believe me my list has grown daily as well. The daily “Lord please help me forgive ……..” has grown. I do believe that even if we have to make a daily request for help for this it is freeing us from holding onto the pain and possible bitterness in our hearts. I also believe that without this act of forgiveness, we won’t move into God’s perfect will for us. We have to let go of what was to be able to grasp what is ahead for us in His plan. Last week I made a video where I wrote, “Today, I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized or because you acknowledged the pain you caused but because my soul deserves peace”. This statement really says it all. Most of the people in my life that I have to forgive daily I will never have closure from. And that’s ok. God is my closure. Every day He reminds me that I’m His, He’s working for my good and my hope for a brighter future. Maybe one day that list will be shorter. Maybe one day the hurts won’t hurt anymore. Until then I’m on this healing journey with God and you folks. I’m grateful for all of you being on this journey with me. Blessings until the next time.

Hello sweet friends! It’s been a while I know. Sometimes God blocks our abilities in order to sit with Him and allow Him to fill and strengthen us. He’s done just that. He showed up and showed out. See, back in April I wrote to you about being in the in-betweenness in my life. I abruptly decided that the job I had planned to move into was not what I wanted after all. I began the search for what I really wanted to do. It’s hard for me because what I really want to do is to write, make videos, and help folks. Unfortunately, that won’t pay the bills. I also had to pour my focus on the job search and pull back on my dream of having a life coach business. Although it’s almost ready I had to focus on my main source of income.

On May 31^st, I left many wonderful friends and will walk into a position where I know no one. Yep, a tad scary but God was in this all the way. In the beginning, all I received was one rejection after another, and in the end, I had several offers on the table. I constantly prayed that I be placed somewhere in His will for my life. A few weeks ago, my pastor gave a message on Joshua 4: 1-4, where he discussed marking and remembering what God has done in our lives just as Joshua had gathered the 12 men from the tribes and asked them to mark by stones the end of their journey across the Jordan River into the Promise Land. The key here is the men were to pick up the stones from the middle of the Jordan and carry them to the end.  In the middle or as I’ve been in the in-betweens of my life lately I too, have picked up God’s messages of goodness and am carrying them into my journey as well.  This passage of Joshua came back up on May 31st in one of my daily devotions. Yes, it is another reminder of telling and marking God’s goodness and provisions. When asked how we made changes, healed, or overcame our obstacles we are to tell all about everything He’s done for us.  Just like Joshua, we need to remember. Lives are filled with anxiety, bad circumstances, relationships, job changes, and all the other madness of our world lately, but if we remember what God has done before it’s easier to trust even, if we are fighting for our own control. All we are in our lives are walking talking witnesses of God’s daily mercies of goodness. I’m not going to lie here; I have been worried and terrified of this change in my life but although I knew God was right next to me showing me the path I couldn’t give Him full control for long at a time. But God…..I had to let go of all control and allow Him to be God. God is good, ever-present, and I’m so grateful He loves me to guide, direct, and provide my needs. Grateful that I am on this healing journey with you. I can’t wait to see what He does next!

Hello friends, a word that has been on my mind this week is rejection. Rejection comes in so many forms, it stings no matter the form it presents itself, nonetheless. None of us are immune to rejection either. Rejection as a child whether it was on the playground or at home. Rejection from a loved one in later years. Rejection in our relationships. Rejection in our careers. Friendship rejection. See it’s truly everywhere. Its definition uses words such as refusing and dismissing. Those words feel scorning and abrasive. Rejection can leave deep scars on us if we don’t heal those wounds.

I was recently out with a wonderful friend of mine and as we were talking and catching up, we were talking about our past rejections and how they had led us to cross paths. I’m very grateful for all the friends I’ve met on this healing journey and some I would have never met if I had not been rejected and hurt much less decided to heal in the manner I have. The next word I thought of as we were talking was gratitude. Gosh, sometimes it’s really hard to feel gratitude for the rejection and hurts. But when we have a God that is bigger than all of our problems and rejections, we can then say that those rejections were His redirections.

See our Father in Heaven sees the bigger pieces of the life puzzles we are and wants the absolute very best for us.  These divine interventions that we call rejections are His loving hand redirecting our path for our GOOD. The sting of rejection of a loved one, a job interview, or friends falling aside this happened because this wasn’t your path any longer. He saw something that wasn’t right for you and because He loves us so much, He only wants the very best for His children.

So today I challenge my readers to be grateful for the rejection. Just know that rejection is a God redirection, and He knows best. We may never know why, but that’s ok, feel secure in His redirection.

Thank you for being with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.