Author: Kimberly

Hello sweet friends. I sure hope that you all are thriving this summer. I had another post written before I left for the beach, but this morning God directed me in a completely different direction. Father’s Day for me has become a bittersweet day. We do tend to reflect on days like this. My Dad has been in Heaven since 2014, it’s been a long nine years. Most of this time has been in a trauma-bonded relationship. I will tell you that you don’t properly grieve death during this bond. You simply don’t have the time or mindset to do so. We had several closely timed deaths around that period, and none were grieved fully. I didn’t fully grieve until two years ago when I was out of the trauma bond. Mainly because I could totally feel and embrace the losses.

This morning was no different of course I miss my father greatly but instead of suppressing my thoughts by doing something else I allowed the waves of thoughts and feelings to come and feel them and well what I do now is write. As I was writing in my journal, I was also filled with happy thoughts that my father would be so proud of what a great daddy my son had become. I’m very proud of him because well, both of my children’s lives could’ve been much different. They both had fathers that were less than desirable. Each has broken generational trauma/curses in their family. Besides my own, they had to deal with their biological father’s issues and families. Thankfully, both children are intelligent, beautiful, professional, and successful adults. As for my son, he always wanted to be a father and now is the father of two handsome, smart, and spitfire all boys. They all are the total joy of my life.

Today as always, I’m so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for them, for rescuing us and directing us into the people He wants us to be for Him. Don’t lose hope friends when you don’t see immediate results from your healing, there are so many layers we have to encounter and move through. It won’t always be easy and although it’s a long journey it’s worth it. No matter what you’re healing from there’s always hope. He’s our hope and direction always. Thank you for being with me here on this journey. Blessings until the next time.

Hello friends, this healing journey and self-discovery of who Kimberly really is began two years ago. It’s crazy to think it’s been that long but it has. I prayed for the end of that crazy toxic relationship. I had prayed for ten long years for God to change his heart and mind and within those last few years, I prayed for God to rescue me because I didn’t know how or what to do. In the end, I knew I deserved better than what I was enduring. I was so trauma bonded from the toxic behaviors I didn’t know up from down.

One of my journal entries from two years ago had these words: I am scared. I am overwhelmed. I am an insecure mess. I am a total wreck. I am a people pleaser. I don’t know who I am anymore. I need you God. And yes I did for sure. He certainly didn’t leave me in that state. Wow how far I’ve come from the day of those entries!

The months and weeks after that became the journey of knowledge on narcissistic behaviors, how to heal from trauma, set boundaries, find who I truly was, and more importantly, at that time being no contact to break the trauma bond. Each day that passed in those early months of freedom was a victory and when that bond had finally broken, I became a much happier and stronger woman. Peeling back every layer of trauma became a determination and goal to ensure that I would never allow myself to be targeted by a narcissistic or toxic individual.

I will warn those who are healing like me from a traumatic relationship, these folks like to “test the waters” from time to time and do what is called a hoover. This is where they will make up an excuse to talk or see you randomly to see if they still have that power over you. This did happen to me, and I was grateful for the healing, the trauma bond being broken, and the knowledge I had acquired about this toxic personality. They come back to apologize with tears of absolute regret but don’t be fooled.

Two years of healing has had me up and down and all around, to say the least, but every high and low has been worth it for me to be here typing these words to you and allowing God to use me through my pain and healing. So very grateful that I no longer feel those words I wrote in that journal entry two years ago. I’ve been so incredibly blessed with wonderful friends, my church family, and my Celebrate Recovery family as well. Blessed to be able to help those who like me have been traumatized by abusive relationships and even more blessed to be able to give Him the glory for it all.

So, here’s to two years of healing! I’m encouraged and grateful and I pray you are as well. Let’s keep healing together, shall we? I see a future of happiness and continued thriving with many blessings ahead for us all. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Well Mother’s Day was an amazing day for me, it’s always a day of reflection of my own mother and also the journey of motherhood with my two joys.  My children always out do themselves. If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you know that my mother was the root of my codependency so while I will still always love and honor her, I’ve also had to forgive her every stinking day of my life. As I sat in church last week listening to our pastor talk about the influence mother’s have all I could think about is what she taught me not to do. Not to ridicule, or have too many expectations, or belittle, or manipulate. She basically was absolutely the most difficult woman I’ve ever encountered. She treated my father in the same manner, so I swear he must’ve been a saint. When I started my healing journey, I was still very trauma bonded from my last marriage, and the day I took my maiden name back I realized what I had ran from for 30 plus years was that little girl who felt worthless and unloved. The journey of peeling back those childhood layers was difficult to say the least but very rewarding in the fact that I realized that my mother never seemed happy, she was soured, and bitter.  Once I realized that this woman obviously was a wounded soul herself it made me feel sorry for her and also shed light on the other people who had hurt me as well. People who are hurt souls if not healed properly or in the right frame of mind hurt others as well. Forgiveness then takes a different look when you view it from that angle. Forgive but not forget has become a daily motto for me.

I was not a perfect mother by any means. I had way too many faults and my repetitive bad men choices I know caused a great deal of problems in my children growing up. Needless to say, thinking about the pastor’s sermon on Exodus 2 was about the faith that Jochebed had placing baby Moses in the Nile. Although I didn’t have a mother’s unconditional love, she did teach me how not to be, so my unconditional love I have for my two took on a whole new meaning and level. There was absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do to protect those babies of mine even in the middle of my insanity of bad choices. Which brings me back to faith and God’s will. I did the very best I could do for children at the time and at times I did beat myself over the choices I made, but God. God knew beforehand every single choice and situation and He loved me through it all and rescued me. He kept my children safe from harm and they both have become wonderful, productive, intelligent, and loving adults. There are no surprises to God and those messes happen so that we have a testimony to share with those around us. Instead of being bitter this year about my mother’s influence I saw it through God’s eyes and realized that all the things and deep valleys He was there with me, and I can assure each of you that He is with you no matter what you are dealing with right now. Even in our I don’t have a clue how this is going to come out moments, He does, and He will provide a way through it if we will only allow Him to do so.

Surrendering to His will is a crucial part of our faith and one that I have to do daily and tell myself not to pick back up what I have surrendered. Romans 8:28 tells us that “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for the good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” This good is not necessarily an earthly comfort but one that brings us closer to Him, brings Him Glory, and one that may further His kingdom. Which for most of us on a healing journey we’ve seen Him turn our lives into a testimony of His goodness and mercy.  Lately, I have had many moments of surrender, forgiveness, grace, and ah ha moments that have made me more peaceful regarding my past hurts and bad decisions. We just have to remember that alignment in His will and word has to be in the forefront of our daily lives, because with Him all things are possible. I’m so very grateful for you on this journey with me and I pray blessings for you until the next time.

Hello sweet friends! I sure hope the last couple of weeks have been good for you all. They have been interesting as always for me and that’s a good thing for you folks that take the time to read this blog and follow me. As always God has shown up and shone out!

If you are recovering from any abuse, trauma, codependency, or substance please find a group of folks that you can relate with and recover together. We have a wonderful program at Redemption Church called Celebrate Recovery and it’s amazing. We meet every Monday night at 7:00 pm. I’m privileged and honored to be the women’s codependency leader and we have a great group of volunteers that are in place to give you much love and support. Last Monday night was truly amazing. We had a huge night of worship, speaker, baptism, and chip celebration ceremony. We had several take their first chip, which is the blue chip and several who celebrated many years of recovery. We also had someone accept Christ as their Lord and Savior.  Our speaker for the evening was Amy Easterwood Young, she has allowed God to use her story of abuse and recovery to touch others and help many with the same addictions and recovery. The one thing that touched my heart was her statement, “When you look for God; you will find Him.” Well, that statement made me think all week about my past and how blessed I’ve been to see God’s hand in every single situation good or bad in my life. I truly think that even if you are in the ditch or valley and you see God’s hand in it that in the worst of times as long as you know He is with you there is beauty in that moment. In some of the worst moments I can see where God pulled me out and rescued my stupid self or that I can see where at that moment there was a clarity of direction that He was moving me to. I also know that there were times after that rescue He was shaking His head at me for going back to my abuser. Yeah, that happened a lot. But God! He did continue to rescue me and kept my baby boy safe. I felt God the moment I told my best friend at the time that I couldn’t live this way anymore and we devised a plan to leave while my abuser was at work. I say all that to say that if we truly want to find God in the past or future He is there!

During last week, as I thought of all the times God had been there, He showed up in a situation that I had been livid over. I had been disrespected and was truly hurt. God showed me that I can’t stop people from disrespecting me, but I don’t have to tolerate it either. Respect, and respecting others is one of my boundaries I’ve held to, and this moment God simply showed me that, their behavior, attitude, choices, and disrespect is all on that other person not me. I did do what was right even after I had in the heated moment disrespected them, I apologized for that behavior. Although that reaction to my disrespected boundary was a valid one, I should not have retaliated with the same behavior. Again, God was in that moment and showed me that retaliation was absorbing pain from others and by not absorbing the pain and allowing Him to work I was standing up for myself and boundary with Him by my side. For me there is so much healing in looking for God in every single moment from past to present and in my future. We have a wonderful future that’s bright and even in the midst of hard moments in healing we have a God that doesn’t leave us or forsake us when we stumble or fall. There is a future in your healing, one that allows you to thrive. I’m a God loving, thriving, and happier than I’ve ever been living one day at a time person now. I truly can’t wait to see where God leads me in this healing and thriving journey.

I’m so grateful for you on this healing journey with me! I pray that you have many blessings until the next time.

The past two weeks folks have been spent in a deep pit. I promised transparency here and I aim to be just that. No matter how long we’ve been healing, the doubts, issues, life circumstances can take us down if we allow the enemy to get his foot in. This was a gradual thing of course, like allowing folks at work to hurt your feelings and steal your joy, the massive trigger from the shooting and killing of innocent lives, unexpected car repairs, unexpected test results, and numerous other things contributed to my self-pity. Don’t get me wrong, life can and will get us down, but we also should be keeping our minds on the positive Word of God that ultimately, He has this and every circumstance in His hand. We don’t and shouldn’t try to fix our problems. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God only has my life and future, and it is for the better and good.  On this episode of Kimberly be still, God did just that. He stilled me in places and in people that I was not expecting at all. Since I had been stuck in “why me” mode filled with unforgiveness, tad bit of bitterness, and a lot of me, me, me mode. I self-isolated last weekend didn’t go to church Sunday and in the process of all that I picked up my book for Celebrate Recovery because I volunteered myself to give the next lesson since our leaders will be on vacation. Yes, this is totally unlike me to offer to be in front of a crowd of people speaking so when I picked up the book and went to the next lesson, I immediately threw it down and yelled at God. The lesson is on forgiveness.  I will tell you right now that God does have a sense of humor because at that moment after I yelled at Him, I died laughing at the total irony of it all. My heart as of late was not filled or postured towards forgiveness but instead had become one of hardness and a splash of bitterness and all circumstances were not truly bad just not what I wanted. Not bad circumstances, just things of course I couldn’t control. The next day at Celebrate Recovery was remarkable. Earlier in the day I had even said I didn’t feel like going and I felt that I wasn’t suited for the leadership role at all. Well, as I’m explaining myself as to why I didn’t go to church the day before a sweet friend looks at me with the biggest smile on his face and tells me, “hold on now, you know you have blessings coming. They always come after the storm.” Not only did he tell me that but proceeded to tell me that his sister had passed away and that what had been a difficult time in paying her funeral expenses had turned into God’s hand in a blessing. That someone had taken care of the entire bill for them. He was telling me this with a huge smile on his face and tears in his eyes. My heart exploded at that moment with gratitude. Thankful that God had shown up for him and helped with the finances and also that he was able to see God’s hand in this tragedy. Five minutes later while I was greeting, another sweet friend of mine hugged my neck and began telling me that her sister was in ICU not expected to make it due to a lifetime of alcohol abuse. She went further to say this sister was not saved and she had feared she wouldn’t be able to help her because of a family member being negative and ungodly. She waited until the negative family member left and began taking her down the road to salvation and although her sister couldn’t speak, God as always, shows up and out. The woman couldn’t speak but was coherent enough to know she had just accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior. These friends have no idea what their stories did for me at that moment. Another sweet friend sent me a text the next day encouraging me that indeed I was making a difference in this program, and he didn’t know what my state of heart had been either. They didn’t know where my heart had been, nor did they know how much I had allowed the enemy to tell me I wasn’t worthy of the role I played in Celebrate Recovery. I had allowed the enemy of lies to steal my joy and hope.  My unexpected circumstances weren’t even that bad. Like I had the money to cover my repairs, the test results will be ok, and I’m safe from abuse so the trigger is just that, just a trigger, work is just a job, and my calling that God placed in my heart years ago is moving and encouraging others. I’m truly absolutely and abundantly blessed. Sometimes it takes angels aka friends along with a big God to change that heart and help get it back in alignment with God and His will. God literally used these friends to pull me out of that slimy pit.

When we totally rely on God’s goodness and His Word it can and will revive our minds and hearts. Never forget that our God is good and He’s always and I mean always is bigger than anything you’ve conjured in your head. My prayer for my reader today is this, that you allow God to fill those empty places in your heart with His Word of hope and joy and that you are able to see His hand in everything surrounding you. Blessings until the next time!

Happy Easter sweet friends! I pray that none of us ever take for granted what this day truly means. This is the day of hope, restoration and our true freedom in Christ. Jesus didn’t have to suffer and die for our sins and atonement, but He did. He paid the ultimate price for our sins. And when we think of the true suffering that took place, it’s unimaginable. For all those of you who have watched the Passion for Christ, this becomes a realty instead of just reading scripture. The pain, suffering and pure agony He suffered for us is unbelievable. Yet at times we are aggravated by the least inconvenience or irritation. Jesus gave His all, His 100% and I’m guilty of not giving mine or being aggravated or even not listening to His voice call me to do something that is for His kingdom. Two weeks ago, when I was writing the last post on triangulation I had begged and pleaded for me not to write it. As a matter of fact, I had started another post on something entirely different. I had asked a sweet friend of mine to pray for me that Sunday morning because I had given in and decided to post it but felt so horrible. Well, our worship and message were the confirmation I needed to feel better about it and during the week I had several people message me to tell me their stories. He had a reason for me to post that piece but it wasn’t just to help others; it was to uncover the still painful experience and allow me to heal that piece of me. See when we peel back the layers of pain and talk about it or in my case write about it not only does it help someone else but the emotions, pain, and grief about the situation come forth for us to better understand it and make amends with the emotional pain. By the end of that week I was able to truly process and let go of that horrific feeling I had. It was anger! Not just hurt but down right anger spewing. When I processed the anger and allowed myself to come to real terms with it and was able to release it. This, my friends, is what healing is all about. It’s not linear at all and just when you think you have nothing left to heal well, the Lord will show you another piece that needs healing only if you allow Him to.

Another trigger happened this past week, we had a tragic incident of domestic violence in our community and two lives were lost, a family lost their mother and father, parents lost their child. When I heard about this incident I froze and went back to a time where my physical abuser said to me “if I can’t have you no one else will either” my prayer at that moment was “God please don’t let me die I need to protect my son”. Unfortunately I was in that situation more times than a like to admit, but God did rescue me and I was able to protect my son. See, those times I put myself in harm and He rescued me gave me a story of His mercy and grace, one that I feel called to spread like wildfire. My healing came with the passion to hopefully change and save lives. My story and posts are to educate, encourage, and bring awareness to these subjects that are hard for others to talk about. God placed this on my heart and if only one person is helped it’s all worth it.

Jesus gave us His all, His 100% and I must confess I need to be pulling more of my weight and truly being more obedient to His calling of who I am, and who I am becoming. I tend to do what I call my rebellious dance where He nudges and I roll my eyes and avoid the nudge for a few days or weeks and then give in. It would be so much easier for me if I just listened the first time He nudged. Insert eye roll here!  He’s not done with me, and He’s not done with any of you either. So as Resurrection Day approaches let’s all remember how much we are loved by our God, and never forget that He’s given His life for our sins, and He’s given our lives purpose in His redemption of us. Blessings until the next time sweet friends.

One of the most painful situations in my relationship with a covert narcissist was when the triangulation entered into the mix. This toxic relationship had layers after layers of manipulation, gaslighting, stone walling, and silent treatment. The triangulation is where the abuser uses yet another manipulation tactic where they don’t directly communicate with another but uses a third person for the communication which forms a triangle. This manipulation strategy abuses both the victim and the third party. This manipulation comes in a variety of forms such as bad mouthing, comparing, and gaslighting. This can drive a wedge between family members, coworkers, friends, and siblings.

My experience with this abusive manipulation was gut wrenching. Not only did I have layers of other abusive tactics but this one in particular is still very painful and very hard to write about. I will say here that when you’re trauma bonded you don’t see situations occurring in real time very clearly. It’s almost as if you are in a fog or having an outer body experience.   Although I knew that there was long term manipulation within the family members it still never dawned on me that what I was witnessing before my very own eyes was triangulation. This particular incidence of manipulation absolutely breaks my heart even to this day.  This also is something I must forgive on a daily basis because this triangulation was between myself and one of our grandchildren. Just as the abuse itself was slow so was the triangulation. It began subtly, such as the abuser wanting to be better than me at playing, ideas, or snacks. Anything that would make him look or be perceived as the “better” grandparent. He always had to be superior. Now myself, I like just being me, so I didn’t pay much attention to the “competition” he had placed into this scenario.  Then it was like every time the grandchild came over there were “secrets” that they had that the grandchild was not supposed to tell me.  During the time they were at the house the abuser would constantly belittle, demean, and ridicule me about everything that was said or done. Eventually, I started to hate the time they were there because of the mental cruelty taking place and I had been triangulated out of the child’s life. When I would try to approach the subject, he would play it off like I was crazy typical gaslighting technique and the feelings and I’m sure pain on my face finally reached the parents and I honestly didn’t know how to explain what was happening except that I missed the relationship I once had with their child and what was happening was not my fault. I don’t even know how to express my feelings on how terrible and brutal this was for me. My daughter in particular saw this happening firsthand and even though she told me what was happening I chose to stay in this and did not fully understand the depth of the mental abuse that was occurring nor its impact on me or the other family members. This situation left all members who knew frustrated and hurt.

It’s heartbreaking to realize that this man could use a defenseless child in this manipulation that supposedly was the “favorite”. Another part of the manipulation was that my own grandson had requested a toy box built similar to another built and he found excuse after excuse not to finish. It took over 2 years to complete and deliver, nor was it what my grandson had asked for originally. The manner in which he manipulated his entire family is appalling. It’s also heartbreaking to know that everything you thought was real about the man you married is all a big lie and that your marriage was all based on lie after lie. The mental abuse I endured is worse than any beating I ever had from my first husband.

Why did I stay you may be wondering, well I know that I prayed every single day for this man’s heart and mind to change. I also thought that I could “fix” this mess with my love and God’s intervention. As I mentioned earlier, I was trauma bonded and honestly couldn’t make my way out of a wet paper sack. Looking back, yes, I should’ve seen all the red flags, but I didn’t.  We only see and hear what we want to see and hear. I also had not healed from any other trauma, so I was craving the chaos of this type of relationship.

Mental abuse is real folks, and it destroys lives, yours and family members. My entire platform on social media is to advocate for all abuses, codependency, and the healing of all. God rescued me from that horrendous mess and has given me a journey of healing that I’m so very grateful for. I’ve said before I’m grateful for all the hot messes I’ve lived through and it’s true without my struggle and pain there would be no healing and platform to share this wonderful journey I am on today with YOU.

I pray for anyone reading this today that is still in this abuse or any abusive relationship that you will allow God to rescue you and begin your healing journey. As always, I’m so grateful for YOU and I pray blessings for you until the next time.

Gosh ya’ll have you seen the revival taking place all over our world? It’s incredible. The one in Asbury University in Kentucky has sparked more around our country. I’m seeing evidence of this in my own church and in Celebrate Recovery. For those of you who are new here, I’m privileged to be a part of a great addiction and hang up program called Celebrate Recovery it is a biblical 12 step program to help you get past your addictions.  Well, the last two weeks have been incredible. The testimonies and outpouring of the Holy Spirit have stirred so many and blessed my heart and spirit. Our stories of God’s supernatural healing within us are SO POWERFUL! Not only powerful for our healing but powerful for others healing as well.

One thing I noticed in all the testimonies was that the inner child had been wounded in some area. For myself healing her was the best thing and most crucial part of my journey. I had been on my healing journey for a while and was checking the boxes off my list. I’m a list person. I make a list for everything, so when it came to all that I needed to accomplish in my healing it was quite the extensive list. I had forgiven my mother in particular years and years ago and did everything I could to repair our terrible relationship when she was diagnosed with cancer. I took her to all her appointments, chemo treatments and even painted nails of all the ladies in the treatment room to make them all feel good about themselves. On her death bed I begged her to love me for who I was and not who she wanted me to be. I had failed again. Or so it seemed. It was in the last two years that I realized forgiving her was not the root of my healing but actually the meeting of that inner child that was so wounded and so desperately sought her love and was denied access. I met that reckoning the day I took my maiden name back after 38 years of being everyone but ME. I wish that I had realized this years ago, but we have to trust God’s timing. Our childhood trauma, if not addressed, resurfaces in our relationships all during our life. This has been the continual and root issue in my codependency which was the determining factor in my terrible relationships. Inner child wounds can be neglect, trauma, abuse, or honestly any other emotional pain.

I first had to acknowledge my inner child that meant I sat with her and acknowledged the issue at that point which for me was rejection of who I truly was, unmet needs of unconditional love, insecurity that I wasn’t enough or worthy of love, and finally I held shame for all the other feelings of inadequacy at that time and all through my adult life. While I sat there with her, I told her how worthy, smart, wonderful, and beautiful little girl she is. Sounds crazy but as I did this and prayed, I felt so much peace and contentment with myself. God knew when and how I needed to heal, and that moment was a Kimberly be still and know and heal moment for sure.

Healing is never linear, and I still find myself veering into the ditches of wondering if I’m worthy, but God always has my back and puts me right back where I need to be. The checked boxes of healing have concluded but it’s a journey that never ends. There are always layers and bits and pieces that pop up that we on this journey have to sit with and conquer. The inner child healing was definitely a much needed and crucial portion of the healing journey. We must remember that God defines us not our past, addictions, jobs, or anyone else. Only God. It’s easy to allow the enemy to tell us that we are not enough even we we are healing and growing. For myself, watching so many hurt and wounded people come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and becoming His child the key in true solid healing of any past pain, trauma, or addiction.

I’m so very grateful to be apart of a program that shows the community a love and solid support that only God Himself can show others. I’m also very grateful for you and you being apart of this healing journey with me. Praying blessings for you until next time.

The question of living authentically recently came up and as I was explaining this, I realized how many layers of complexity really are involved. While trauma bonded, I realized that I had lost myself completely for most of my life. So, the process of learning who I am started with peeling back all the layers. Layers of pain, shame, regret, disappointment, and disgust. That process was as hard as breaking the trauma bond. It’s very humbling and disgusting to learn you’ve been addicted to someone’s bad behavior towards you. My fix was validation in the form of dopamine. Whew, so glad I no longer chase that fix. Acceptance of the true issues in those layers is a reckoning met with despair but the realization that you will no longer allow these layers to be a part of your life. I lived behind masks of smiles while the shame, pain, and regret ate me alive.

I still have moments that I allow the enemy to pierce me with the shame, but those days are fewer and farther between. Although people that have been abused mentally and physically did nothing to deserve these actions, we still have the shame that we allowed it to continue or how we allowed it to begin in the first place. Forgiving myself in the healing process was the most crucial part. I first had to accept my part in the relationships I had been in and forgive my thought processes and behaviors I had in place for survival. Acceptance and forgiveness go hand in hand in our healing just as our faith does. We accept Christ as our Lord and Savior, and in that acceptance, we allow Him to wash us clean of our sins. He forgives us and we must forgive ourselves as well. There’s true freedom in this as well as our acceptance and forgiveness in ourselves. That freedom allows for us to begin learning who we are authentically. What passions lie under the hidden parts of ourselves. The hot mess selves that we’ve hidden for years because who we were was not acceptable to those who pretended to love us or be our partners. I found who I am authentically totally unapologetically. I must admit that I’m still a hot mess but the absolute happiest and real I’ve ever been. Singing at work, speaking lyrics, dancing wherever and whenever, or just breaking out in laughter. This girl has found her true self. I do however have a confession here, I’ve embraced all parts of the bad, ugly truths but never accepted my age. NEVER. Well, I’m approaching the big one. The big 60. So, in this new authentic and unapologetically me life I also am accepting this age. I may be 60 but I will most likely still identify as 35. Accepting the facts do not make us less. Just because I’m 60 that doesn’t mean my life is over, not a chance my life has just started. The age just as all my past pain and brokenness does not define me, God does, and He’s not done with me. Don’t ever allow the enemy to tell you that you are less than because of your age, past mistakes, terrible relationships, addictions, or difficult life. You are worthy of healing all the unspoken broken and most of all thriving happily ever after. So glad you are on this healing journey with me. Blessings until the next time.

Expectations. We all have them. For me the definition of expectation is setting someone or something up for failure. Especially if we have the mindset that someone or something should do for us.  If we are honest here, we especially have them when it comes to our relationships and holidays such as Valentine’s Day. Over the years of being trauma bonded I would absolutely hate the dreaded Valentines’ Day when all the other women were getting flowers at work or get taken out for a special night. Now that I have been healing, single, and loving life, I see so many expectations that I, myself, and so many others place on our significant others and on this particular day. I personally believe that in a true relationship that showing love and giving flowers or trinkets should be all through the year.  Love is not just a feeling but an action that requires daily giving. The idea behind this is a simple one. When you think of your loved one say it send a message or send flowers, buy a card, or find some inexpensive something to give to say, “hey you are on my mind, and I love you” Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be a prepayment for the whole year, and you don’t show love or affection for the rest of the year. Our love and blessings should be given and received all 365 days of the year. Now for us single folks… well we can buy ourselves flowers, yes, I am now signing the Miley Cyrus song! Oh the lyrics and songs. My coworkers are always in for a treat when the songs hit. And for all the men folk out there you can but yourselves tools, fishing lures and whatever else you want. But not just for that one day that’s just part of self-love and self-care buy and do things for yourself because you want to and love yourself. The expectation or thought process that you have to have someone to do these things for you is just plain wrong in my opinion. I’ve said this over and over again, but I love my life, myself, and do not need a man to make me happy.  I can make myself happy and live a full complete life. Folks, no one’s love will compare to the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. NONE. I can assure you that when and if, I find the right man for me it won’t be because I need someone to complete me; it will be because I want him in my life to enhance and add to my happy life not to take away from my happiness. I’ve heard so many men and women state that they need a person to complete them, just not so folks. The only thing a person needs is a personal relationship with Jesus and knowing your true worth that our creator gave us. It’s so sad to watch these folks searching for men and women with that intent to complete them. I was one of those for a lifetime. Lifelong codependency had me searching for love in all the wrong places (again singing the song) and for all the wrong reasons.  During this time of healing, I dropped all expectations, including those of myself and others. Stopped the comparison trap of comparing my life to others and honestly just became grateful for the opportunity to be happy and most importantly my authentic self. This Valentine’s Day I will buy my own flowers, talk and I’m sure sing to myself, and most of all BE HAPPY with myself. I challenge you guys to do the same. I’m so glad you are with me on this journey. Until next time, I pray blessings for you.