Hello dear friends, there has been much going on in my little pea brain lately, but I do want to share one thing in particular with you this time. I’ve recently been triggered in close proximity, and it has been ongoing for a few weeks. This has been an extremely trying time but also at the same time I kept my boundaries and spoke up for myself. If you know me the research began soon thereafter the first few days of this behavior. I didn’t understand why I was feeling the way I did but honestly don’t we all feel a heightened anxiety when we are disrespected? This told me that I had healed enough not to take it sitting down. A few years ago, I would have just sat there and took it all.
Since trauma is the present reminder of a past event, any trigger in our present moment can instantly transport our minds and bodies back to the initial trauma event where we relive those same emotions and/or physical responses. So, for this trigger, I’ve been taken back to all the times I was gaslit, manipulated, and devalued. I’ve spent two years healing from this mess to be put right into the middle of another situation and unfortunately, it can have a long-lasting effect on our lives and is unique to each of us.
As I did some digging to see if there was anything more, I could do besides having healthy boundaries, I discovered it could also be that my ego had been triggered. Yeah, well this is how that goes….when we’re triggered and taken back to the original feeling/response we work through that response but the ego is still ticked off because you’ve been disrespected and because you’re healing from those triggers that ego is mad as crap that this is happening. Sometimes we have to check that ego (wink wink).
At any rate, pushing through this process I was sitting in church listening to my Pastor and the sermon was on forgiving and loving your enemies. OMG right, yeah. I had broken my little toe the day before but man oh man he stomped all over the nine other ones with this message. My sweet daughter sitting next to me kept asking how my feet were. We gotta keep that humor you know. She knew the situation of course and my pastor’s message and the Holy Spirit kept me up that night. The next day I extended that olive branch and apologized for anything I may have done to cause the issues and misunderstandings. Ya’ll as soon as I did that those triggered emotions were GONE. Triggers and ego in check.
Now the situation is not corrected totally but it doesn’t matter because those bad feelings are gone, and I can deal with the situation much better. Our Lord is always, and I mean always with us, and knows exactly what we need. I’m forever grateful for my Lord and Savior being who, what, and how I need at all times. This healing journey would not be taking place without Him. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 He’s not done with me or my journey just as He is not done with you guys either. Hang on tight to His hem and let Him keep guiding you through your healing. And I will be praying for you as well. It’s amazing where this healing journey has brought me so far, like writing here, working with codependent women, having a platform on all social media, meeting so many wonderful people at Celebrate Recovery, and most of all the closeness, mercy, and grace I feel daily from the Lord. Until the next time let’s keep encouraging, healing, surviving, and thriving! As always, thank you for being on this journey with me.