The past two weeks folks have been spent in a deep pit. I promised transparency here and I aim to be just that. No matter how long we’ve been healing, the doubts, issues, life circumstances can take us down if we allow the enemy to get his foot in. This was a gradual thing of course, like allowing folks at work to hurt your feelings and steal your joy, the massive trigger from the shooting and killing of innocent lives, unexpected car repairs, unexpected test results, and numerous other things contributed to my self-pity. Don’t get me wrong, life can and will get us down, but we also should be keeping our minds on the positive Word of God that ultimately, He has this and every circumstance in His hand. We don’t and shouldn’t try to fix our problems. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God only has my life and future, and it is for the better and good. On this episode of Kimberly be still, God did just that. He stilled me in places and in people that I was not expecting at all. Since I had been stuck in “why me” mode filled with unforgiveness, tad bit of bitterness, and a lot of me, me, me mode. I self-isolated last weekend didn’t go to church Sunday and in the process of all that I picked up my book for Celebrate Recovery because I volunteered myself to give the next lesson since our leaders will be on vacation. Yes, this is totally unlike me to offer to be in front of a crowd of people speaking so when I picked up the book and went to the next lesson, I immediately threw it down and yelled at God. The lesson is on forgiveness. I will tell you right now that God does have a sense of humor because at that moment after I yelled at Him, I died laughing at the total irony of it all. My heart as of late was not filled or postured towards forgiveness but instead had become one of hardness and a splash of bitterness and all circumstances were not truly bad just not what I wanted. Not bad circumstances, just things of course I couldn’t control. The next day at Celebrate Recovery was remarkable. Earlier in the day I had even said I didn’t feel like going and I felt that I wasn’t suited for the leadership role at all. Well, as I’m explaining myself as to why I didn’t go to church the day before a sweet friend looks at me with the biggest smile on his face and tells me, “hold on now, you know you have blessings coming. They always come after the storm.” Not only did he tell me that but proceeded to tell me that his sister had passed away and that what had been a difficult time in paying her funeral expenses had turned into God’s hand in a blessing. That someone had taken care of the entire bill for them. He was telling me this with a huge smile on his face and tears in his eyes. My heart exploded at that moment with gratitude. Thankful that God had shown up for him and helped with the finances and also that he was able to see God’s hand in this tragedy. Five minutes later while I was greeting, another sweet friend of mine hugged my neck and began telling me that her sister was in ICU not expected to make it due to a lifetime of alcohol abuse. She went further to say this sister was not saved and she had feared she wouldn’t be able to help her because of a family member being negative and ungodly. She waited until the negative family member left and began taking her down the road to salvation and although her sister couldn’t speak, God as always, shows up and out. The woman couldn’t speak but was coherent enough to know she had just accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior. These friends have no idea what their stories did for me at that moment. Another sweet friend sent me a text the next day encouraging me that indeed I was making a difference in this program, and he didn’t know what my state of heart had been either. They didn’t know where my heart had been, nor did they know how much I had allowed the enemy to tell me I wasn’t worthy of the role I played in Celebrate Recovery. I had allowed the enemy of lies to steal my joy and hope. My unexpected circumstances weren’t even that bad. Like I had the money to cover my repairs, the test results will be ok, and I’m safe from abuse so the trigger is just that, just a trigger, work is just a job, and my calling that God placed in my heart years ago is moving and encouraging others. I’m truly absolutely and abundantly blessed. Sometimes it takes angels aka friends along with a big God to change that heart and help get it back in alignment with God and His will. God literally used these friends to pull me out of that slimy pit.
When we totally rely on God’s goodness and His Word it can and will revive our minds and hearts. Never forget that our God is good and He’s always and I mean always is bigger than anything you’ve conjured in your head. My prayer for my reader today is this, that you allow God to fill those empty places in your heart with His Word of hope and joy and that you are able to see His hand in everything surrounding you. Blessings until the next time!