As always it seems lately what I set out to write about suddenly changes. But that’s ok that just means the Lord thinks someone out there needs to read this message. The holidays, birthdays, actually any special occasion that we hold dear in our hearts can and most likely will be ruined by a toxic partner or family member. This statement breaks my heart for all the years I’ve lost to toxicity and especially for those reading this today that are still in their toxic relationships. What should normally be a fun filled time for couples or families ends up being full of tension and pain.
I cringe remembering my mother picking arguments with my daddy or my physical abuser starting arguments to either leave or a means to hit me or my mental abuser deliberately saying or doing things that would hurt me. It would never fail that I planned something special for our kids and grandchildren and he would start an argument the night before and say he wanted a divorce to then give me the silent treatment or be unkind the day of the event. My family and I decorated Christmas cookies last weekend, and I couldn’t help remembering the last time I attempted this while I was still married. What I described above is exactly what he did. Mind games, manipulations, gaslighting, and downright mean behavior.
I’m so grateful for the wonderful and peaceful holiday seasons and special occasions now and being able to plan fun things with my family without them being sabotaged by toxicity. I’ve been told that my happiness and joy radiate from me and well it’s definitely been a long time coming. I’ve said this before, but I literally have spent my entire life in toxicity and trauma, so my mind and body have been in fight or flight mode all this time. It’s a real pleasure to come home to my apartment and be at total peace with myself and life. I decorated for Christmas the first week of November and have been playing Christmas music or praise music while wrapping gifts with a big smile on my face! This would not have happened previously.
The Lord truly wants each of us to be happy and joyful in Him and with ourselves, it’s been liberating to not worry about what anyone else thinks or says but for me to truly live for my audience of One. Learning self-worth and self-respect are key when healing from our trauma. This also helps when we set boundaries in our lives. I say all that to say this as well, this time especially around the holidays are a time that those past toxic folks like to come back around to see if they may still have a place in your life. This is called a hoover. Hoovers are a manipulation tool. They beg, fake apologize, use guilt, or shame, and usually make empty promises. Guard your heart and mind and above all remember that it’s better to be alone than alone in a toxic nightmare relationship.
I have followers that are still in their toxic relationships and my heart truly breaks for what they endure. I ask that whoever reads this stops and says a prayer for these folks. And for the folks battling any addiction. These folks are also in a battle not to use their drug of choice during this time. Like I previously stated, the holidays are times the toxic becomes even worse. Father God, I pray for each person reading this message today and for those still dealing with toxicity in their lives or battling addictions of any kind. Father, please comfort and touch these people allow them to feel your presence and give them peace that only You can give. Please keep each safe with Your protection. Amen.
Merry Christmas to you and yours. I’m so grateful you are on this journey with me!