Codependency, who me?

During my first days and weeks of realizing I was trauma bonded from mental abuse, I soon found lots of information on being targeted and what had made me such a target. I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I never wanted to be a target again and would do whatever it took to not allow this to happen again. So, let’s roll up our sleeves and dig into this codependency issue. Codependency was never mentioned in therapy, so my digging and research is how I actually realized I had been codependent my entire life.

These behaviors were developed in my childhood due to my mother’s toxic behaviors. Striving to be “better” to receive her love and admiration. Always reaching for something better to receive what should be an unconditional love develops into people pleasing, repressing feelings and actions, trying to “fix” everything to be perfect, tolerating mistreatment, not having healthy boundaries, having high anxiety over everything said or done due to not feeling good enough, and having extreme loyalty even when situations are harmful. Of course, codependency looks different for everyone. These behaviors I listed were mine that I developed. Along with those behaviors also comes shame and fear. God does not want us to allow the enemy to trick us into being shameful or fearful. We can and should live without that the enemy’s bondage to heal and thrive.

An overall definition of codependency is basically an emotional and behavioral condition that affects the individual’s ability to have healthy relationships, it’s also known as a relationship addiction due to forming relationships that are one sided or emotionally unhealthy or abusive in nature. This being said, I am the poster child for this so-called addiction due to the multitudes of unhealthy relationships I’ve experienced. This has been my problem for being targeted in every single relationship. No boundaries, no self-worth, people pleasing fixer, empath, and INJF personality placed a bullseye right on me. So, let’s look at what to do if you find yourself codependent.

I, first of all, educated myself on the characteristics of codependency. I realized that I had to end this behavior so that I could heal and thrive. I began setting healthy boundaries and because I was trauma bonded, I went no contact with my abuser. Breaking a trauma bond is not fun at all. You are literally addicted to the merry go round of emotions they inflicted on you. Much like having a heroin or other substance addiction. It’s a cycle of abuse that is so difficult to break from. When it finally broke, I felt like 100 pounds had been lifted from me.

Peeling back layer after layer, I realized my lack of healing and education on these behaviors had led me down a lifelong path to destruction of myself. But with God, education, great supportive friends and family I have healed greatly and no longer a people pleasing fixer with no boundaries and no self-worth. I tell people all the time now with the absolute biggest smile on my face that I’ve never been happier in my life. I’m thriving and living my best life now and I know that not being codependent requires my daily thoughts and prayers of conscious positive behaviors to maintain and not revert backwards. With God on this journey with me absolutely nothing is impossible. As always, my prayer for whoever is reading this is to be blessed beyond measure and if I can recover from all the mess I’ve endured, YOU can too! So very glad you’re with me on this continuing journey of healing!