Happy May friends. A lot has been on my mind lately so this post might be a long one. As I’m typing, I’m listening to the words, “I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m not afraid of the darkness…everything is gonna be alright…and that’s Jesus”. For those who know me, music fills my soul. The darkness that got us here on this healing journey is difficult to be grateful for at times, but it was a necessary part of our lives to grow and recover from.
One important aspect that folks don’t think about is the generational traumas. Generational traumas are simply put unresolved trauma on individuals and families. Some examples are domestic violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, neglect, toxic environments or relationships, and any other adverse behaviors. It’s often been stated that we all are products of our environment’s aka family dynamics and while this is very true, we sometimes have the ability to recognize what is not what we want to carry onward and decide nope this is not what I will allow. Two examples here, my father was raised by an alcoholic father that was not only an alcoholic but abusive as well. Although my father liked the taste of alcohol, he prided himself on his discipline over that. He also was the kindest and most generous man I’ve ever known. I got caught drinking one time in school and he asked me if I liked the taste of whiskey, so I said yes sir I do, and he told me that anything that could become a bad habit must have a strong discipline. He was exactly right. He didn’t want to be the man and father he had so he changed that. My first decision for breaking trauma that I didn’t even understand I was breaking was the fact that I didn’t want to be the mother that I had so when I had my children, I was the opposite of how I was treated growing up. Although I wasn’t healed, I’m grateful that my children got at least that from me. Their precious souls deserved a totally healed mother and unfortunately, they have had to heal from many situations that they encountered during their childhood. My bad decisions with ex-husbands and toxic relationships allowed codependency, abusive relationships, and a multitude of other things they both witnessed. The good things they witnessed though, like work ethics, strong faith and determination obviously had a positive effect on them. I often tell people that my only real regret is not healing earlier in my life for those two. At the same time, we also have to know that without everything we go and grow through determines our healing. So, I do try to turn regret into gratitude for that reason.
My greatest treasures are my children both could have turned into their fathers and their behaviors and traumas. My son was angry for along time that I kept him away from his father but then realized that most of his father’s children were just like him. My son broke that generational trauma. He’s a great man, father, and husband. He’s successful in business and as a behavior analyst. I’m so very proud of that. My daughter makes me just as proud. She was kept from her parent as well and she could have easily been a product of that trauma instead she’s a successful woman who is a correctional counselor. Strong in her faith and so very talented in many ways. Very creative.
See we can change our futures and our families sometimes we don’t even realize what the decisions we make early on can impact those down the road. We can heal ourselves and in that we heal our future. In that healing we find peace and sometimes we even thrive. Thank you for being here with me on this healing journey. Blessings until the next time.