The last month has been one of many retrospective thoughts for me. It’s honestly been a month of great healing opportunities. During these times we get to see just how far we’ve come on our healing journey.
I recently went to see “It Ends With Us” at the movies. Colleen Hoover is one of my favorite authors. She wrote a two-book series about the events that her mother went through with her father being abusive. Of course, I’ve read the two books, and I won’t lie I was definitely triggered while reading them both. Watching on the big screen I was still triggered but it was more of an empathy trigger instead of reliving my own horrid past. This, my friends is where we know we are healing those past traumas when the triggers become different or not at all.
The past is in the past and should stay there but there are times when we do need to revisit and see where we could have acted on the issue or changed our perspective. I realized this going back into the issues of my last relationship and analyzing my part in the unhappy ending. I went back into my journal and reread harsh truths that I didn’t act on. In essence, I was as much to blame as anyone else. I realized that I didn’t act because I didn’t want it to be true. This was totally a codependent issue. I read in black and white what I was upset over and how it hurt me but yet after talking it out with the other person there was no change in behavior. At least I did that part right. But what I didn’t do is stand my ground on that boundary. Nevertheless, the relationship ended, and I should’ve done that myself two months prior, but I didn’t. Lesson learned checked off the box on that one. Again, this shows growth even though I didn’t like to see where I went wrong. But it is so very necessary to evaluate and analyze your part in any relationship. My boundaries are more solid. I’ve become much better at the “you do you boo” concept. No more bare minimum situations for me.
And then I had an unexpected apology from someone I knew over forty years ago. I really don’t know if he understood how much that meant to me. He’s the only man that ever apologized to me for any wrongdoing. Let that sink in. No man I’ve been with has ever apologized. Well, I guess that tells you the type of men I’ve allowed in my life. That is the main reason for going back and healing all those many layers of hurt and damage. Without the deep healing we will continue to allow toxic and narcissistic people in our lives. Just remember that healing is not linear and there will be times that you feel lost. That’s ok. We have a perfect guide in our Heavenly Father. I’m so grateful for how far I’ve come on this journey and hopefully you have as well. Stay the course my friends, you’ve got this.
As always friends, thank you for being with me on this journey. Blessings until the next time.