I’m often asked, “Do you have any regrets or if there were something that I would change about myself?” No, I do not and I don’t want to change anything about myself. And it’s usually met with ohhhhhh, so you like the way you’ve spent your life in pain and unhealing? And you like your flaws? I absolutely love the woman I have become and will continue to grow to be and I wouldn’t change a thing in my past because frankly it’s made me who I am today. The healing unapologetically ME.
You see there are things, places, and people that have been on the joy ride with me that if the circumstances were different, I wouldn’t have had in my life. For example, Honeybee. Honeybee is a former mother-in-law and a woman that has had a true and remarkable affect on me. She is the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. She is well loved and respected in her town and family. I have the utmost respect for her. In fact, I’ve always told her I wanted her to be my mother. She taught me by example what it looks like to have grief beyond comprehension and hold tight to faith. Crisis after crisis has tried to take her down but she still holds her head high and declares the goodness of God. She has been my role model to this day. I’m ever so grateful for the bond we share. I know that I can call her at anytime and she will be a prayer warrior.
I could also take back the pain of bad decisions and relationships, but I wouldn’t have my two amazing children. They have been my true treasures. As a mother of two amazing adults, they are my proudest accomplishments. Growing up in toxicity I never wanted to raise children like I had been raised. Although they did encounter trauma in my bad relationships, I never treated them as my mother treated me as a matter of fact, I did the exact opposite. They were protected from the men that were supposed to be their fathers and loved beyond measure by me. I wanted them to succeed in all areas in their lives and without the influence of these men.
I truly believe there is always purpose in our pain. Without struggle, pain, and problems we don’t grow. Without growth we sit stagnated. This is not what life is about nor is it God’s plan. He’s accounted for every wrong turn and terrible decision I’ve made. Bless His heart, I know He must be worn slap out from me. But then to lead, guide and direct me into who I am despite the pain is amazing. Healing for me has been incredibly humbling. And I will say this here again, I don’t believe we ever reach a “I’m totally healed” moment. I think that it’s a lifelong journey. I’m just super glad that I have God and my faith to carry me through this healing journey. It’s a true adventure. So glad you are here following with me!